Civility for slaves pt 2 – Acknowledge your Master

My apologies  that this is a bit delayed- apparently a week goes past far quicker than I thought…LOL

So the second rule of civility is to Acknowledge others- especially Acknowledging our Owners.

So often as slaves we can be incredibly self referenced. Everything is all about us- and if you are involved in the greater Lifestyle community this is promoted as what M/s is all about – Master calls this “slave centric M/s” – where the needs of the slave is what the dynamic is all about.

If thats your thing dear heart I honor your path- but thats not the type of M/s that we practice – so you may desire to stop reading now.

Every action done in company, ought to be with some sign of respect to those that are present. ~George Washington.

I’ve noticed in recent years the idea of the power slaves has often meant a slave who is down right rude or “in your face” when it comes to interaction. All grace and civility (if any) is reserved for his/her Master.

The thing about that in my estimation is that regarding people as worthy of respect is an inside job- often slaves who are seething with rage at the world- also have that same sort of resentment and anger towards their Owner – but they do not express it.

How much more helpful is it to make the Acknowledging of others a part of our behavior without feeling that it diminishes us in any way.

Acknowledging others importance, existence, feelings and thoughtful actions are all valid and wonderful aspects to cultivate. And cultivate is what is required in our 1st world country where we tend to take things for granted.

And that brings us back to our Owners.

Do you acknowledge all of the Dominance and Mastery you are honored to receive from your Owner? Do you consider your Owner’s feelings before you respond or react?

Giving honor to others is not something that they should have to EARN – respect is something we can freely give because respect only expands you- it can never diminish you. Even if the person you were giving greater honor to ends up behaving in a dishonorable manner- it does not in any way diminish the beauty of your giving them honor.

When we do not acknowledge others we wound them in 3 ways.

1- Inconvienance or indifference

2 – Denial of existence or loss of face

3 – Conflict with their own sense of appropriate conduct.

This is true of our Owners as well. When we do not acknowledge all they do, we put then in the unfortunate position of having to decide if thats something to correct us for or something that should be allowed to slide. We shame them or wound their pride. We say that we are indifferent to their humanity.  Furthermore if we treat others in this way – we make the statement to the word that THIS is the value system of our Owner.

While there has been much dialogue about if a slaves behavior represents his/her owner or not- it’s really very simple – most people will assume the slave is a reflection of her/his Owner.  Under this ideation – what is my behavior communicating about my Master?

Questions for consideration and reflection:

  • How can I give greater acknowledgement to my Owner?
  • What am I NOT acknowledging as I should?
  • Are there any people specifically that my Owner desires me to Acknowledge more that I’m not? (elder in the lifestyle, Senior Masters or Senior slaves?)
  • Has my distraction by things led to my lack of acknowledging of people?

In submission and surrender to Him,

~slave Namaste

Attention Counts – pt. 1

As I was cleaning out my email account I came across a topic that Master and I studied about 6 or 7 years ago.


I had begun writing a post to use as a series of topics for a Local Leadership group we were running at the time. Interestingly we closed the group due to incivility – and yet these beautiful tools still apply.

When I looked at them I saw them as incredibly apropos not only to governments and social groups but also RELATIONSHIPS including the Power Exchange variety.

My hope is that I’ll be able to post my musings and insights on how to apply each of the 25 Rules of Civil Conduct taken from P.M. Fornis Work “Choosing Civility” (It’s worth every cent. Buy it. Go ahead I’ll wait)

So the First Principle is:

 Pay Attention

kitten attention

I can think of no more important tool for a slave to have than the ability to Pay Attention to his/her Owner.

The principle form that the work of love takes- is attention ~M. Scott Peck

Regardless of if you consider romantic love to be a part of your M/s dynamic or not- I don’t think any of us would deny that slavery itself is a work of love. This may be spiritual love, transcendent love, love of ones place or position, love of service or surrender, love of feeling the force of another’s will over your own.

This type of love is one that is not often understood by many. Those who are fed by autonomy do not often understand the symbiotic nature of this dynamic.

And that symbiosis is why it requires us to pay attention.

In the early days of the dynamic the Masters Will is like a strong spice that you’re not accustomed to. It’s everywhere and often easily identified. It pushes you outside your comfort zone. It demands from you more than you fantasized about.  During this stage paying attention is often the height of your obedience . You can’t intuit or get it perfect because you’re learning. Often the slaves attention is focused- but far more on themselves and their ability to be a “good slave” than on the Master. This is an easy mistake to make and will often lead to far more pain and suffering than is necessary.  Because of this focus on self and the learning curve its easy to feel like failure is innately part of enslavement.  It’s not dear heart. Gently turn your attention away from you – and towards your Owner. Allow His/Her will to be you compass, your axel, your touchpoint.  Devote your attention in Their direction. It makes all the difference.

In the years of 5+ (this may take longer if you don’t live together, or depending on your Masters style of Mastery) you have most likely internalized the Masters Will – this is where paying attention is something you have to bring up and out. It is far too easy to become complacent. The Master speaks and the slave obeys slowly. Or the slave obeys automatically – but without attention. The word in this time is present. Your ability to pay attention via the ability to be fully present in the moment to the Masters voice, mannerisms, movement, breath. To maintain that tension and cultivate it is what renews the passion and sustains your devotion. Yes I know how to make the coffee correctly- but can I do it not just technically perfect- but with devoted presence. (I promise that cup of coffee tastes better) – At this point you’re going for nuance. A person with a refined palette can taste the differences between Himalayan sea salt, and fleur de sel, but it requires paying attention. This is how refinement is created.

Questions for consideration and cultivation:

  • How much attention can I pay today?
  • What am I spending my Masters resources on in the form of giving it my attention?
  • Where was I MOST present today?
  • Where was I least present?
  • How long is my attention span (How long can Master or someone else speak before I start thinking of other things, or forming a response)?
  • When I paid attention what did I notice that I didn’t notice before?

In submission and surrender to Him,

~slave Namaste