As i come to the end of this year i am deeply aware of what i am moving away from.
This is not how we intended to end our year. We had plans and they were many and exciting.
The last days of this year spent in merriment and jubilation with friends, parties and game nights and movies and revelry.
But children got a bit sick and then i became sicker. i am rarely ill – so for me to be knocked down on my bottom sick is unusual. Fever and laying in bed since Friday even more so. In fact nearly unheard of.
Between sweat soaked sheets and cayenne laced soup came the burning up of illusions and clarity of self.
The Apocalypse at last.
It helps to know that Apocalypse means “Uncovering”.
And that’s how i’ve felt – undone, unwrapped, exposed. And it is good.
Master and i having conversations and watching illusions melt away. Approaching with blazing curiosity and enthusiastic unknowing the past and the present as well as the future. Previous decisions reviewed with an eye towards gentleness and compassion. Awareness of tiny tendrils which have crept in unawares – what to keep and what to prune back. Seeds to plant and plants which need to be uprooted and let go of – even if difficult. Friendships and familial relationships that have either grown closer or are asking to be free. Allowing to remain only that which we desire to strengthen. That which sustains us. That which we desire to sustain. Connecting above all else to desire, yearning and pleasure. Centering deeply in these as anchors for intention.
As we prepare to release this year – allowing the ache of letting go and honoring the opportunities it brought, the loves, the changes and transformations. It is a year that will never be again. The pages have turned and the time of potential for 2012 is over. i consciously say goodbye, with a warm embrace, a tender kiss and a tear. Thank you for all you have brought into and removed from my life. Thank you for growth and dormancy. For risings and fallings, for clarity and mystery.
Self acceptance and self-renewal.
We come to the end. We walk through death to reborn.
2012, my love…i bid you a fond adieu.