Q: I have been in a M/s relationship for a few months. Recently, My Master and I have had some communication issues. He thinks that to be a Master, he has to be sadistic and “on 24/7”. I have tried to explain to him that being a Master is a mindset and it isn’t an on/off switch. He thinks he is not a good Master. Do you have any suggestions on how I can talk to him?
A: As we read this question the following quote came to mind:
To take the master’s journey, you have to practice diligently, striving to hone your skills, to attain new levels of competence. But while doing so–and this is the inexorable–fact of the journey–you also have to be willing to spend most of your time on a plateau, to keep practicing even when you seem to be getting nowhere. – George Leonard
Mastery can be an exciting and terrifying word – it is a heady, almost intoxicating experience when one realizes that another person is willing to give themselves over to you in totality. At some point the thought will arise – “what am I supposed to do with this person??” At the root, we want to do not only a ‘good job’ in our Mastery, we want to be the Best Master In the Universe. This is a paradox – it is both an impossibility and the most wonderful opportunity imaginable at the same time. It is impossible to do perfectly – your acceptance and desire for our Mastery, while pleasurable and fantastic, did not automatically imbue us with the power-ups of Invincibility, Infallibility and Omniscience. It is an act of trust – and that makes it the wonderful opportunity. We learn by doing – and by making mistakes as well. Mastery is about learning, about growth – about holding oneself to the ideal that doing one’s best and expecting the best of the person in our charge is a worthwhile pursuit. But it is a pursuit – we will constantly grow and develop throughout the duration of our relationship. Masters need to avail themselves of the thoughts and philosophies of others of like mind in the relentless pursuit of bringing excellence to their own lives. At the same time we need to temper our enthusiasm with the very real need to be gentle with ourselves while we learn and grow. Of the two, the second is by far the most difficult and the area that most Masters tend to neglect the most. Finally, the Master must recognize that the needle of their internal compass must always seek the true North of personal fulfillment and internal actualization. By this we mean that the pursuit of Mastery must satisfy something inside the Master, must bring a sense of personal pleasure, fulfillment or satisfy an internal desire.
All of this is outside of the realm of your control as the slave. So what CAN you do? Communicate, communicate, communicate! Communicate with your Master your need for His expression of Mastery whatever that looks like – then ask questions about what expressions of Mastery feel good. Insert other terms beyond “Mastery” – using other words can help us think of things differently – Try direction, guidance, vision, mission etc; to put terms around the ideas your seeking to convey. Ask your Owner what “must do’s” He feels like He has to perform. Sometimes simply discussing these can illuminate the ways that we are allowing our own expectations to stand in the way (for instance Sadism is NOT a necessary facet of Mastery. There are many Masters who are not sadistic). This may sound too simple – but also consider doing some research on what the term “Master” means in a mainstream context. Words are containers for meaning. Sometimes we can have tons of “add-ons” that we’ve gleaned from the community as “This is what I MUST do” only to find out they mean comparatively little as far as the definition of such things. Ultimately we each get involved in this seeking pleasure and fulfillment – coming back to those feelings in this exploration is a good litmus test for making sure we’re aligned.
Master Obsidian and slave namaste
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