ASK….then DECIDE

Many Dominants find themselves In the situation from time to time.  Perhaps there are a number of decisions you need to make, or issues that need to be discussed. You have any number of discussions with your submissive or slave and life goes on.  You feel that the issue has been handled, or that enough discussion has taken place that the slave or submissive understands what your wishes are.  Until later – when they have a ton of questions regarding your preferences even though you’ve already discussed the pending issue at length.  Some of you may be nodding at this point – thinking this is a rant about Slaves That Just Dont Get It.  But it is not. it is YOU Kind Sir, Kind Madam that is creating a fertile field in which misunderstanding may take root. When we constantly discuss things without deciding – there is rarely satisfying closure for either party.

I have a question for you – do you typically make a decision immediately following the discussion of the issue? Or do you assume that the decision is imbedded in the discussion? Perhaps the unease you and your slave are feeling is the weight of too many discussions without decisions.

A good rule of thumb for Masters and Dominants –  ask for information first, then make a decision about what needs to be done as expeditiously as possible.  This keeps the structure of the power exchange relationship intact. This isnt about always making the best decision or the ‘right’ decision. Lets face it – being Dominant isnt synonymous with being omniscient or infallible. Sometimes you will make an ill advised decision regardless of how much information you have in advance. Its okay. It happens.  I tend to ask a lot of questions anyway –  I find that I often NEED to ask questions, because there may be information I dont know that I need to be aware of that can help me make better decisions. However, once enough information is in – my decision regarding ‘next steps’ is essential to progress.

(Most Interesting Man in the World voice) “I may not always need input from my slave… But when I do – the best time to get that input is prior to my decision.”

For example; One fine summer day I announce;  “I’ve decided! We are going to spend the day working on the yard, then we are going to the movies this evening. Find out what time the movie begins.”

Slave; ‘begging Master’s pardon…, you asked me to remind you that you scheduled a doctor’s appointment this afternoon? And this evening we were scheduled to have dinner with your brother and his wife?’

Master: Oh…. (dissapointed/irritated) Fine then…puts garden tools back in shed. Well, I really dont want to go to the Dr today, its beautiful outside and I need to get this sod put in place. Dayum. that’s right – we do have dinner plans scheduled. (still have not decided one way or the other. Ruminating inside my head about the tyranny of a full calendar. Brain starts to heat up from trying to figure out how to do everything I want to do PLUS everything I have to do in the same afternoon. Grumpy muttering ensues.  Eventually I wander off to do something else in the meantime mistakenly believing that its ‘obvious’ that Im going to go to the Dr as planned and to dinner, seeing as I put the garden tools back in the shed and said ‘Fine then’.  When slave asks question about my ‘pending’ decision in her eyes, Im still irritated and point out the ‘obvious’..that really isnt obvious at all to anyone but me. Does this scenario sound familiar?

Being Master, you COULD cancel all appointments and do what you want. But you are in the position now of backtracking over a previous decision – and you sound kinda whiny if you dont mind my saying. Even worse – kicking the decision back to the slave by asking; “slave – dont you think that our house would be better served by working on the yard instead of going to the dr and/or having dinner with family? What do you think we should do?  (of course no Dominant ever asks questions like that. Well, maybe other Dominants do…but not You.)

Scenario Two;

Master: “slave – what’s on my schedule for today?”

slave: “Master you  have a doctor’s appointment this afternoon. And this evening we are having dinner with your brother and his wife.”

Master: “Its a beautiful day outside and we need to get this sod in place on the lawn. Call my Dr and reschedule my appointment for next week, same time and day of the week if available. If not, try to get me in on a Thursday afternoon, or check my calendar to select a time when Im available.  Also..contact my brother as well, see if we can get together Sunday night for dinner.  I want to go to the movies this evening instead. Check showtimes and let me know what time the movie starts. Thank you.

slave: Yes Master!

Do The Work; Remember, having a discussion isnt synonymous with making a decision.  ASK then DECIDE is one of those simple little steps that can mean so much in a power exchange relationship but seldom receives the attention that it deserves. The astute Master or Dominant can get a ton of power exchange ROI from adopting this behavior on a consistent basis! Observe yourself this week – do you typically ask a lot of questions of your slave or submissive without making a final decision regarding what should take place next? Or do you decide first, then ask for additional information? Are you often in a backtracking mode, countermanding previously issued directives based upon new information received? Do you ask for additional information, then kick it back to the submissive or slave asking THEM what the best decision might be?  If you aren’t clear on how you generally respond regarding Ask then Decide – ask your slave or submissive, they are ideally positioned to provide excellent feedback that you can use. Commit yourself this week to Ask…then Decide.

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