OUTING: Definition; Outing, also known as doxing, refers to the act of openly revealing sensitive or personal information about someone without their consent for purposes of embarrassing or humiliating them. This can range from sharing someone’s legal name and personal or employment information with the kink community at large, to weaponizing social media by posting personal information connecting a persons scene name with their mainstream identity and/or information. 

We’ve received a number of messages from those in the scene wondering what happened to slave Namaste’s Fet profile. 

A very highly regarded Master and Mistress reached out to us this morning. 
She asked if we were okay and expressed REAL CONCERN that this was done. And she said… “She OUTED you… and that is NOT okay” 

Immediately we could see the ripples. How this says a great deal about our standards as a community…and it’s so much bigger than US.
One of the things we had to edit about our “Telling the truth” post (here) was that the person who accused slave Namaste of being  transphobic OUTED her. 

and… she’s a titleholder. 

In the midst of the drama, and addressing so much of what occurred we didn’t think it mattered. 

Because only ONE person had the temerity to TELL her that she outed slave Namaste. 
ONE person. 
Out of HUNDREDS of comments. 

She screen captured items from slave Namaste’s mainstream FB profile with her LEGAL NAME on it and shared it with her KINKY audience AND told everyone where both Master Obsidian & slave Namaste would be presenting. 
And NO ONE said anything. (we have blurred her name so as not to out her)

Just consider that for a moment. 

Imagine yourself in that situation

Imagine this being done to you. 

Imagine what it could cost you in regard to your children, your employment, your LIFE. 

Yet… the ONLY thing anyone cared about was her slanderous accusation.  And her lie that M/sC pulled US (when in fact we pulled out so as to not allow drama to detract from the conference)

This is terrifying to us.  That a blatant OBVIOUS act like this is tolerated.  That this is considered “Good behavior” by others. 
She was actually called a “whistleblower” by a certain individual defending her. 


Since then we’ve noticed others doing likewise. Sharing LEGAL names and locations on the Book of Faces in their zeal for call out culture.
In some sort of bizarre misguided attempt at justice people are listing on MAINSTREAM platforms others FetLife names and legal names. And this is CONDONED. (BTW… if you have been assaulted and want justice, this is what the LEGAL system exists for – NOT social media)  – 

Her behavior – as a titleholder has now EMBOLDENED others that this is the standard, this is Okay. 
Is this what we want? Titleholders that use their voices to OUT people? 

So why do we call this “NOT our IMsL”? 
Because this person is currently Ms Texas Leather 2019 and will be competing for IMsL in 2020. The larger community and judges need to be aware and decide if THIS is the behavior we want representing us… and what this means for the FUTURE of this community. 

Recognize that you’re responsible for who you ELECT to represent you, and who you celebrate in WRONG DOING to others. Title producers  and judges need to remember that giving someone a sash and a back patch means they represent YOUR title and that says something about the DIRECTION you condone.

When we celebrate and condone Call OUT culture… it leads in swift order to OUTING culture.  
And yes… for many it has no real effect…but let’s be honest, for the vast majority the effects of that are DEVASTATING.  After all thats why so many in the Leather and BDSM communities have 2 profiles on social media or do not friend kink folks on social media. 
For fear of this. 

At one time we would have thought this was simply the nightmare of a fearful mind…that no one in this Community would EVER violate one of our most sacred rules. A rule that is based in safety, privacy and CONSENT.   

Now we realize the monsters of nightmares walk amongst us with a sash and a Title. 
Be careful out there, these Leather waters have gotten treacherous- those circling fins aren’t dolphins they are SHARKS.

It is time for the Truth to Come Out

For the past few weeks we’ve been relatively quiet as accusations have been hurled about and our names have been dragged through the mud by people who don’t know us, have never met us and would NEVER say the things they are saying online in person. 
Our tendency has been simply this… I have nothing to defend. 
Therefore when asked to defend ourselves we simply declined. 
Those who know us know the truth and those who do not – don’t really care about it. 
That said, because many of the details DID NOT occur online- it’s time to give Power to TRUTH… and let it do what it does. 
Leather families are complex. They can be prone to drama.
Ours has had it’s fair share. Master Obsidian started Sankofa Leather Tribe years ago to begin to bring some Leather households of like mind together in service to each other and the community as well. 
Over time one family began to become more and more antagonistic, both of other families in the Tribe and towards Leather leaders in general. For years they sowed discord in the family and were very vocal of their contempt for certain conference producers and individuals in the leather community. We would explain and defend as they were new to the leather community. (Interestingly many of those we defended are now supporting them in their malicious attacks of us…how ironic). After years of a tendency to use character assassination and hostility as a communication device we had enough and this family was removed from Sankofa Leather tribe. 
One of our basic Tenets for House Obsidian is always civility. 
And so we were civil when we would see them out and about in the lifestyle.
Recently the s-type turned Dominant of this same household won a title and began to use her platform to launch what we call “Social Justice Terrorism” – this is when a person uses their “Voice” on the platform of social media to assassinate the character of others by using incendiary language that creates knee-jerk emotional responses in order to further ideological goals.
And no, the use of the term Terrorism is not extreme…it is in fact scary in it’s accuracy.
“… terrorism mercilessly destroys social values on the pretext of protecting superior values. People, with low social status, display aggressive behaviour patterns and violent acts to earn respect, attract attention and realise themselves. At this point, radical terrorism provides a great opportunity for these unqualified people to gain glory, protect their honour and thus achieve status” (1)
If you use a term like “racist” for instance in labeling someones speech or actions – most people don’t ask in response “Is that really racist?” Because to ask this is akin to being a racism apologist – instead most people will sympathize and support because EVERYONE wants to be perceived as a “good” person… and besides no one would say it if there wasn’t SOME truth to it… right? 
This tendency is PRECISELY what SJT (Social Justice Terrorists) rely upon. They use these acts of social media violence “to earn respect, attract attention and realize themselves”. 
They rely upon the hot and fast nature of social media, they rely upon people not thinking for themselves. They rely upon a lack of temperance and questions. 
In the SJT world- the person who strikes FIRST is the victor – because any response other than “You are right” is painted with additional scorn, derision and character assassination. 
This person – screen captured a FB post that was written by slave Namaste and called her trans-phobic – while simultaneously posting information telling her audience where we would be presenting next and cautioning attendees of that conference to not attend our classes. 
Not to mention – and perhaps just as importantly: In so doing on SOCIAL MEDIA this person violated one of the most closely held and sacred tenets of this community – OUTING both Master Obsidian and slave Namaste on Facebook. 
Slave Namaste is NOT transphobic (something that when mentioned in rebuttal to what was being claimed – caused others – even transpeople who defended her- to ALSO be labeled transphobic, among other things..) 
The writing that was called transphobic can be found here, along with Namaste’s writing on the subject.
We are not in any way ashamed of our stance on these issues. As parents we feel strongly about the rights and RESPONSIBILITY of a parent to PARENT their children – and that such parenting and guidance does not END when it comes to issues of gender. 
We believe that some misguided parents misusing this authority and responsibility and harming their children does not make ALL parents suspect. 
We believe strongly that schools do NOT have the right to supersede parental authority unless the parents can be shown to be abusive. 
We believe those who say they knew they were Trans from childhood and needed parental support.
We also believe those who say that they THOUGHT they were trans and realized they were not and appreciated the parental guidance THROUGH it. 
To paint our perspective on PARENTING as TRANSPHOBIA is twisted logic and pure lies. 
To jump on board this crazy caravan because YOU don’t want to be considered transphobic is cowardice. 
That said, that was not the end. 
Master Obsidian is on the board of Butchmanns. 
Butchmann’s owns the SWLC and engages the executive director and by extension all the support teams and volunteers etc., to put on the SWLC conference. 
The board recently informed the committee that based upon the negative behavior in the community of the scheduled Emcee  that the board believed that it was not in the best interest of the SWLC conference to contribute negative energy to the conference by providing her a microphone and a platform.
The Committee put in place to run SWLC did NOT want this person removed. They REFUSED categorically to remove the emcee. They then issued the board an Ultimatum… she stays or fire us. 
Now, it should be said that the board OWNS SWLC – the committee serves at the pleasure of the Board of Directors and has no right whatsoever to hire or fire an emcee without the Boards consent. 
Butchmanns decided that this person should not be the Emcee at SWLC because this is not the first time she has used her platform to cause division in the community – and given her reputation for the same, it was decided that energy was NOT welcome and would not be given a platform (or a microphone) representing the SWLC or Butchmann’s Inc. 
After a long discussion between the board chair and the committee – during which the board chair was informed that the committee had planned to engage this Emcee anyway – with or without Board approval – and if the board did not agree to their demands, then the board was free to fire the committee. (This actually goes without saying because the committee serves at the pleasure of the Board, not the other way round – so in essence the committee actually fired themselves due to insubordination) 
Unfortunately as all of this is taking place – someone comes forward accusing a well known ritual facilitator and leader of a group of misconduct and consent violations from 2 years ago. Following this others come forward with other accusations going as far back as 12 years. 
The committee wanted to ban this person from the SWLC conference – even though this person apparently had no plans to attend SWLC. 
In some weird way…the Committee begins to conflate these things in their re-telling- saying that the Board removed them because they wanted to ban an abuser. 
This is categorically NOT TRUE. 
To add weight to their story the committee keeps saying “Well are all of us lying?” 
To this I would say YES… they are. 
Proverbs 6:16-19
16These six things doth the LORD hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him:
17A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood,
18An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief,
19A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.


Bruce Hoffman, Inside Terrorism, Colombia University Press, New York 2006.

3 Ways The Loyal Opposition is killing your Power Exchange

Screenshot 2014-10-12 22.25.08In parliamentary systems of government, The Loyal Opposition is a term applied collectively to the opposition parties in the legislature to indicate that the non-governing parties may oppose the actions of the sitting cabinet while remaining loyal to the source of the government’s power.

In many power exchange relationships, I’ve observed a similar phenomenon – that the person subject to the power (most typically the slave or submissive) is often allowed tremendous latitude and is permitted, or even expected to oppose the will of the Master on a philosophical, or emotional level  – as long as they are compliant to the wishes of the Master at the end of the day.

The reason why the concept of The Loyal Opposition (TLO) makes sense in a parliamentary system of government is that it allows for any minority party within the government to actively oppose a specific course of action without their ultimate loyalty to the crown or system of government being in question due to their actions. The concept allows for the dissent necessary for a functioning democracy without the fear of being accused of treason.

When I’ve asked those that practice this form of power exchange what the deal is, answers vary – most of the time the Master or Dominant explains that they have adopted a Commander In Chief type of role in the relationship that permits or tolerates a TLO presence. Some indicate that this approach is their nod to giving the slave or submissive a measure of ‘freedom’…others believe that one can never truly know another persons internal state – what the slave thinks and feels is their own business (and cannot be measured) vs. that which they actually DO on the other hand, which can be measured and at the end of the day is more important than how the slave feels or what they think in the privacy of their own heads.

I believe that the Master has both authority and responsibility for the slave and for outcomes in the relationship.  I also believe that the M/s dynamic is intentionally NOT a democracy.  Anticipating, and being tolerant of occasional resistance is different than encouraging and supporting open opposition. Believing that they are the same thing will eventually put the hurt on your relationship.  After witnessing a number of P/e and M/s relationships crash and burn, here’s why I believe TLO is a terrible philosophy to adopt or allow within a power exchange relationship.

1. TLO encourages laziness. Power exchange takes work, plain and simple – especially in the early stages of a relationship. Doing the work of a master involves being conscious, being present and intentionally putting yourself in the best position possible to receive out of the relationship that which is internally fulfilling to you.  – but that’s only one part of the equation. The other part is that the person that willingly places themselves in a subordinate or surrendered position – the person that aspires to serve or to be a slave also brings a set of needs and desires into the relationship that are as precious, as relevant and necessary to the success of the dynamic as that of the Master. Some masters mistakenly believe that the best way to honor such desires is to offer such a person that which they themselves consider most precious – the privilege of autonomy, the ability to self-direct.  So they are well-meaning when they ‘allow’ the slave to oppose them, to continually assert their independance and to play the role of The Loyal Opposition.

I have to say this – and I cant emphasize this strongly enough….. if this is you; STOP DOING THIS SHIT IMMEDIATELY. YOU ARE KILLING YOUR RELATIONSHIP AND YOU DONT EVEN REALIZE IT.

Think about it.

That which is most precious to you – is TOXIC to your slave or submissive.

Not toxic in the literal sense – they arent going to expire from an overdose of Mastery-ness…..but you ARE planting seeds that when fully grown will be the opposite of the surrender you desire.

It certainly doesnt work the other way round; What if she had the power to offer YOU the opportunity to experience that which SHE feels is most precious to her? The privilege of surrendering and being of service!!! YUM!!!! (did you throw up a little in your mouth?) Im always amazed at the numbers of Masters and Dominants who consistently do this and are then mystified as to why the length of their relationships are measured in months, not years.

Moreover, a master that tells the slave or submissive ‘Feel however you want, just make sure you ultimately comply with my wishes, places the power exchange in the relationship on auto-pilot, or even worse, places the slave or submissive in the dubious position of mastering themselves.  Dont get me wrong – I LOVE surrender…but that beautiful garment is tailor made for my namaste alone in our relationship. I have no desire to try it on for size and I categorically refuse to put my cover on her head even in jest to see how cute she’d look as a little Master. Screenshot 2014-10-13 00.25.15


2.  Its a waste of valuable resources – Entrainment in the biomusicological sense refers to the synchronization of organisms to an external rhythm, usually produced by other organisms with whom they interact socially. Entrainment in the power exchange sense describes the phenomenon of the Master intentionally and consistently synchronizing the actions of the slave or submissive with the Masters will, most often through repetition. For example, a speech protocol that is performed every day, multiple times a day will be more effective in deepening the power exchange relationship than an elaborate ritual that is performed twice a year.  That said, Masters that have a TLO friendly power exchange relationship tend to eschew the ‘bells and whistles’ of power exchange and often fail to understand how protocols, rituals and other rites of the power exchange dynamic can be powerful allies in deepening and strengthening the bond between Master and slave.

3. It compromises alignment of will – A fundamental priniciple of our dynamic is what I have coined “Alignment of Will”.  My slaves will must align with mine.  It is not good enough for her to merely obey, and to give the external “Yes Sir”. I must have the internal alignment – that internal “Yes Sir”- as well. That internal “Yes” can not be faked. It can not be “acted”-  it’s either there or its not…and when it isn’t there, I know it and I generally won’t rest until I have it.  Obedience is wonderful, but obedience without internal alignment is unsatisfying to me on an energetic level.  I want her to not just comply with my wishes or agree ‘in principle’ with my philosophies – instead it is my desire that she is to feel as I feel concerning the things that I desire most.

At the end of the day, why deny yourself and your charge the sustainable pleasure of using as many resources as possible to reinforce and deepen the relationship? As Masters and slaves we are attracted to our respective roles in the relationship because of the pleasure we receive from the experience.  If this relationship style did not please me in some way it would be pointless to pursue. It pleases me to give directives as much as it pleases my slave to be both the recipient, and the instrument of my will. Her response to my leadership gladdens my heart, the way she talks to me in respect and love is a constant source of healing and pleasure to me. When she inquires and I tell her how I feel about something – it is a joy to me throughout our discussion to see her work through acquiring an understanding of how I feel about the subject at hand and to then align her will with my own.  These facets of our relationship are precious to me. If I take a hands-off approach to portions of that process and basically leave her to her own devices with respect to how she feels and thinks about my directives and what I feel is important, I deny us both not only the extreme pleasure that the M/s dynamic has to offer, but also negate much of the power of the relationship as well.

There is no room in our relationship for The Loyal Opposition.

Masters – What’s in Your Discard Pile?

Masters – as we approach the end of another year, I find myself focusing more and more on the notion of ‘out with the old, in with the new’.  Many of us have been through some ‘Interesting Times’ this year.  The end of the year is a time when we are reminded of the constancy of change and of what is truly important in our lives. As the final days of 2013 approach, what is changing within you? More importantly, what do you need to get rid of?

Screen Shot 2013-12-17 at 3.18.44 PM

Nearly every functional system has built within it a way to discard that which no longer serves.  A card game, our bodily systems, an household, an automobile, a corporation – all get rid of the things that once used, no longer serve the system in a contributory fashion and therefore must be discarded.  As you approach the end of this year, what do you have in your life and relationship right now that you have been holding onto that you now realize should be discarded or thrown away?

Why put things on the Discard Pile? Basically whatever the thing is – whether its a belief or conviction, a bad memory, a job you despise or even a particular person – if the energy of that thing irritates you, drains you or makes you feel bad or is just a sluggish lump in your world that you keep working around because you feel you need it but have forgotten exactly why… throw it out, give it away, sell it, let it go, move on.  Perhaps its time for you to finally move out from under the corporate umbrella and start that business you’ve been thinking about doing forever – time to put that job on the discard pile.  Old books you have no intention of reading, tools you no longer use, sporting equipment you no longer feel enthusiastic over…whatever it is, if it no longer serves your system or fits within your vision, you need to get it out of your circle.

How Getting Rid of Stuff Makes you a Better Master

You cannot put more into a cup that is already full. When you ‘clear the decks’ so to speak, you make room in your experience for the new, for Whatever is Next – you may not know exactly what the next thing is, but its almost a certainty that you will not move confidently toward it if your arms are still metaphorically full of That Which No Longer Serves You.  Most importantly, your Dominance and Mastery requires energy – lots of it. Holding on to things, whether they are outmoded ideas, ideologies, people, relationships or physical items requires an expenditure of your energy in one form or another.  Getting rid of energy drains leaves MORE energy for you to use toward the things that really matter. In these final days of 2013 – take a look around,  get rid of some stuff – let it pass from your hands into the waiting arms of someone that will see the value in it and has been waiting, hoping and praying for something just like THAT to show up. What are you putting on the discard pile this year? Share it below!!!!

Rule well.

Master Obsidian

A Message to S-Types – What you REALLY need to know

Okay – So I’m writing this because- well frankly because over the years I’ve heard all the community party lines and dogma and it seems to leave a lot out.

As a slave (who used to identify as a submissive) I was new at one time (yes really!!) and when I came into the lifestyle I was all wide doe eyes, excitement and healthy dose of New York caution.

I was told things by people who had been around for a long time. Things that sounded okay I guess but when I activated my spidey sense (AKA critical thinking) I quickly realized that in an effort to make the lifestyle seem a “safe place to explore” – people were saying things that could make me check my natural adult common sense at the door.

Here’s a “things you need to know” guide. A real one. I warn you – it may disillusion you or make this seem a bit more scary. If it does – good – I’ve done my job.

More here


Drop STOP! – A New Service

reikiRecently Master and I have been noticing a propensity for unpartnered people in the Lifestyle to not receive the “aftercare” they need when a scene is over.

Yes the Top in the scene may give cuddles, a warm blanket and a cup of OJ but what about help processing the later conflicting emotions,  feelings of confusion and concerns?

And what about the Top in the scene? They often need a space to receive care, comfort and processing as well.

To this end we offer “Drop STOP!” a holistic caring, supportive service. Drop STOP is created to serve in all facets – Physically, Emotionally, Spiritually and  Mentally. Drop STOP! appointments are for 1- 1.5 hours.

Who it’s for:

  • Unpartnered bottoms, subs,slaves Tops, Dominants, Masters
  • Partnered people who are in a long distance relationship
  • Partners separated due to travel
  • Men, women and gender fluid folks
  • Couples/Triads etc; who could all use a bit of additional care

What it includes:

  • Reiki and Energy Healing
  • Scene Debrief and Coaching – Helping you process and work through the heady emotions that can often occur after a scene. Talk it out and take advantage of our listening ear and Lifestyle Experience.
  • Nutritional Supplementation – access to nutritional supplements that can prevent drop: nourishing teas, suggested supplements, living foods
  • Warm Nurturing environment – Lay down, relax, listen to soothing sounds and receive Care
  • Optional – Light touch given in a NON-sexual, non-clinical context.
  • All services provided by Master Obsidian and/or slave namaste  (at the clients discretion)

Drop STOP! in person appointments are available on Monday and Tuesday, and Distance appointments (services altered for distance) are offered according to availability. We also are available for Drop STOP! appointments at most Conferences we attend. Contact us at PowerandSurrender @  for further details and to set up an appointment or a free consult!!

Critical Thinking Counts

I’ve been thinking about this topic for a few months now, however I’ve been very hesitant to say anything because I felt it would definitely put target on my back (and maybe my front too) and I didn’t know if this was something I really wanted to have to defend or dispute. A few days ago Master and I were watching a movie. The movie took place during a time period when any accusation made by a white person against a black person was by definition considered to be true. The main character in the movie spent 30 years in prison for a crime he didn’t commit – all because one police officer had a vendetta against him for being black and because everyone co-signed to the actions he took based on their own prejudices. I felt shock, sadness and anger at the treatment of this man. I wondered where the justice was for all of his years in prison. Why no one spoke up – even when they KNEW he was innocent and why people spoke against him who KNEW he was innocent. This movie sent an uneasiness through me that would not leave me alone. I realized that at the rate the community/Lifestyle is going – any Dominant/Top/Master could be that wrongfully imprisoned man. That we are abandoning our critical thinking in ways that are making it dangerous to be Dominant. And I felt around inside of me and felt that this piece (that I wrote a couple months ago and tabled) really did need to be put out into the world. Please don’t misunderstand me in this – I have experienced rape, molestation and abuse (although thankfully not in the Lifestyle). I have worked with victims of domestic violence and spiritually counseled women in this area for many years. This writing is not done without compassion or understanding.




“Community displeasure is no substitute for Legal Action in the case of an actual crime occurring” ~Master Obsidian


The above is something that I have heard Master say on a number of occasions. Recently I’ve been thinking about this more and more as I watch the community (I like the word Lifestyle more actually- it seems more reflective of Truth) go through all sorts of turmoil concerning accusations of abuse, predatory behavior, and the like.  I really wish the limitation of community displeasure was understood when all of the saber rattling and smoky torches are being waved. Why? Because in the case of accusations of abuse community displeasure doesn’t really DO anything. It’s a question of understanding the scope of our power and authority so as to be effective.


Some facts:

  • Entry into our Community is not based on relationship anymore. We have to accept that anyone can join any online forum (this one included), create a group and have attendees. Most groups do not have a vetting process and hold meeting in public venues. This openness comes with the drawback  that the community is no longer capable of policing itself.
  • We can not imprison anyone or stop them from doing what they are doing. Yes, even if it’s against what we believe – we can’t stop a person from finding play partners, from forming a group, planning a party, holding themselves up as a “Leader”, a “True Dominant” or a “True submissive”
  • My irritation, annoyance etc; does not save anyone. In short while it may influence SOME – for the most part it does not put a stop to criminal activity. Think about it – no criminal is going to say “Yes, I stopped my raping, assault etc; because slave namaste said I should”
  • If the Police force and Legal system which has millions of dollars backing it and thousands of people can not find this person and stop them from doing what it is they did to you  – if you did not think you had cause enough to report it as a crime – the community is even LESS able to provide aid. In most cases we don’t even have each others’ real names, addresses or phone numbers.
  • If i do bodily injury to someone or attempt to stop any movement that they have a RIGHT to by virtue of their citizenship in this country- I myself become eligible for legal action. This means I can’t hurt someone because they hurt you. It would be inappropriate for me to stalk them, call them repeatedly, threaten them or harass them on your behalf.


Now – all of that said – there tends to be a number of people who feel as if in the case of allegations of abuse or inappropriate conduct  we as a community should “Do something” and I agree we should. We should care for one another and take such things seriously. We should do what it IS in our power to do.


“Effectiveness is the Measure of Truth” ~Pono Huna Principle

  • We can if we lead a group, make decisions about OUR groups, events, etc; We can not allow that person to attend or be a member in our groups, recognizing that each group has their own Protocol for addressing and validating such accusations and that such autonomy should be respected.
  • We can each choose to take responsibility for ourselves and choose carefully those we would play with and engage in BDSM activity with  – IOW treat strangers as strangers and don’t go off to private places with them.
  • We can take the steps to report when things ACTUALLY do occur. For every person with a horror story about reporting that didn’t work – there are those for whom it did work. Every situation is different. Don’t ASSUME no one will believe you. To that end I LOVE the idea mentioned here] if you don’t care to read it – I’m speaking specifically about the idea of ANYONE going to a person in a leadership position and being referred to counseling, and then offered support if they chose to file a police report
  • We can understand that an accusation isn’t always true. This is the hardest thing. In our lifestyle in an attempt to not cause further trauma or be accused of “victim blaming” we frequently take it for granted that the accuser is indeed the victim. Reserving judgement may be prudent. One question I always ask is “What would I consider fair if it was someone I love being accused and was handled the way I’m handling this person”  – frequently when I ask this the glaring bias towards the accuser is obvious. Innocent until proven guilty may not be easy but it is foundational to justice.
  • Leaders and Presenters can spend more time talking about how to choose a play partner and security in scening rather than telling boogeyman stories. Prevention is far more effective than cure. While we spend a great deal of time trying to soothe and support those who are traumatized by someone’s inappropriate conduct – we don’t spend very much time at ALL explaining ways to prevent this from occurring in the first place, and in fact we encourage new people not to follow their “gut” but to play quickly and with anyone in the guise of having “new experiences”
  • We can encourage people on both sides of the slash to form friendships and relationships –  This is the greatest protection against being prey- and yes, Dominants and Masters are often victims of non-consent as well.
  • We can handle FALSE allegations with just as much ferocity as we handle true ones. People who accuse falsely should not be given a “free pass” as being merely emotional.
  • We can serve as Protectors. Master wrote a VERY well done article on Protection here too often I see the idea of protection scoffed at and new people told that they shouldn’t need protection. Strangely the same people who encourage the newbies to play indiscriminately (usually with THEM) and to not seek out protection are also the ones who are informing them that they have been abused.
  • We can understand the difference between Vengeance and Justice. Often when I hear about accusations of abuse – the desired course of action is based on vengeance not on Justice. Justice is blind and doesn’t give favor to either the accuser or the accused, the prosecutor or the defendant. Vengeance on the other hand seeks retaliation and retribution.


In conclusion – while it’s heartbreaking to hear stories of abuse – the perception that we as a Greater community are all able to ban together to “kick this person out” is a lovely but misguided sentiment. When dealing with things like allegations of abuse and mal-conduct it is important in my estimation to not get caught up in emotionalism but rather that we take a moment and ask  “What can I do to be safe”, that we seek to work with those in Legal and Medical arenas concerning education on BDSM and WIITWD and that we apply critical thinking  as well as compassion.

Teleconferences, Yay!!!

We have just finished updating the Calendar with Dates for the Immersion Teleconferences through August. We’ll update with more dates in July. We’re looking forward to sharing and interacting on a deeper and more personal level!

Dates for Immersion Teleconferences:
4/25 – Spring has Sprung- New Birth and Keeping the Balance
5/24 – How our Relationships with our Parents Inform on our P/E Dynamics
6/28 – Keeping it Hot- Talking Sex, Libido, Tips and Techniques
7/24 – Independence, Dependence and Interdependence in Power Exchange
8/23- Being Foolish about your Power Exchange- Immersing yourself

All Teleconferences are at 7:30pm CST –  If you’d like to be able to get in on these amazing Teleconferences, get all the details and sign up for the Immersion Package HERE

The  calendar also lists LIVE conference’s we’re at (hopefully) in a city near you!
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Dominance and The Inner Critic – ONLINE!!

tmp-NEW-020114-9zqYq95O5rVBbwHADominance and the Inner Critic is one of our most sought after classes. It addresses many of the problems and challenges faced by both New and Seasoned Dominants and Masters alike.

Dominance and the Inner Critic :

We all have that voice inside, the one that can take anything about ourselves or something that we did or something we plan to do and transform it into something terribly wrong or bad. That inner dialogue that shows up just as we are about to embark on a new project or challenge. We all have an inner voice that speaks to us consciously and unconsciously all the time. When our inner voice becomes toxic, it can have a crippling effect on Dominance, ultimately impairing the strength and vitality of M/s or Dom/sub relationships.

You aren’t your thoughts.

You aren’t your feelings.

You ARE on the other hand what you believe.

Dominance and the Inner Critic has been created to help you believe differently about yourself and begin creating the life you want, today.softwareboxright (9)

What have you been holding back? What have you been waiting for? What are the words that you haven’t spoken to her, to him – that you’ve held close and silent, that you’ve kept prisoner, locked in a safe in the shuttered and locked rooms of your heart that would change everything, if you decided to live for the next hour, or the next day instead of waiting?

In Dominance and the Inner Critic you will find out;

· Where the Critic comes from.

· What is the true purpose of the Inner Critic?

· How you can stop the Critic from sucking the life out of your Dominance and Mastery?

· How to believe differently about your life and your purpose.

Learn how to use your Inner Critic as an energizing force instead of something that drains you of your energy, your enthusiasm and your intensity. (FOR DOMINANTS AND MASTERS ONLY)

Includes 5 videos and worksheets PLUS downloadable MP3’s!!!! $47