OUTING – A Call for Best Practices and Solutions

We ended our last blog post by saying the community has become treacherous. Many are leaving precisely for this reason. Because they feel UNSAFE. The creation of SAFE SPACES counts and is directly connected to the enjoyment of the freedom to live your life in a manner of your own choosing.

CONSENT is also vital and important to the perpetuation of healthy communities – everyone can agree on this.

Individuals among us who violate this sacred standard of behavior, who engage in the practice of outing others, including on social media – essentially weaponizing social media, are vectors of significant harm to the community at large. By their actions, outing others in social media they are responsible for the creation of spaces that are inherently NOT SAFE. IT is fine to bring attention to issues in the community, yet it is NOT fine when that “attention” includes outing on social media or bullying.

“Cyberbullying can be as simple as continuing to send emails or text messages harassing someone who has said they want no further contact with the sender. It may also include public actions such as repeated threats, sexual remarks, pejorative labels (i.e. hate speech) or defamatory false accusations, ganging up on a victim by making the person the subject of ridicule in online forums, hacking into or vandalizing sites about a person, and posting false statements as fact aimed a discrediting or humiliating a targeted person. Cyberbullying could be limited to posting rumors about a person on the internet with the intention of bringing about hatred in others’ minds or convincing others to dislike or participate in online denigration of a target. [2]


EVERYONE should feel safe. EVERYONE. Including those you do not like. Anyone who feels that safety is ONLY for those they consider to be worthy is part of the problem. Individuals who engage in online outing included.

By their actions they are also CONSENT VIOLATORS and ONLINE Bullies who embolden others to act in similar ways.  As an example, Since our original post we have received screen captures of further outing violations by those who are also TITLEHOLDERS. You can see these screen captures of outing by Moxie Minion- Northwest Bootblack 2018 here, slave Tabitha- International Ms Bootblack 2015 here, and also in a thread of Teagan- International Ms Bootblack 2018 here. We have only left the names visible of those who are out on their Profile or if the name is the same as their scene name. We have received other screen captures but it would be impossible to share those images without also outing those individuals.

Some of you, having observed this behavior have asked what you can do to protect yourself or others from being outed.  We do not believe that the responsibility of creating SAFE and CONSENSUAL spaces lies entirely with leadership, but that each person is personally responsible for proactively making decisions that contribute to their own safety as well as communicating with Leadership.

At the same time we also believe that that Leadership is responsible for …well…leading. The reality is that many leaders of conferences, groups, contests etc; are TOTALLY unaware of the forms that outing takes today. They are often so focused on prohibiting things like bringing cameras into the dungeon that they have a blindspot when it comes to how often online outing occurs

This current environment is RIFE and reactionary with accusations of a lack of safety without offering real plans to solve issues going forward. Being solution oriented we have come up with the following proposed solutions and ACTIONABLE guidelines. This is not exhaustive by any means yet we hope it is a step in the right direction to serve to protect and maintain the standard of consent within this Lifestyle while not preventing holding others accountable. These are SUGGESTIONS only.

Now before we begin let’s start with those who may have issues with what we propose:

“I’m an Activist, Influencer, Leader, Titleholder etc; – it is my JOB to speak out against injustice you just want to SILENCE me!”

Not at all. Feel free to say WHATEVER you WANT to say! In fact – you are totally free to NOT like whomever, for whatever reason. What you are NOT free to do is to weaponize social media in an attempt to harm said person or persons.

  • Do NOT Assume ANYONE is out.
  • In Lifestyle forums such as Fetlife use the persons scene name.
  • On mainstream forums be careful to ONLY use a scene name WITHOUT using vanilla or mainstream legal identifiers.
  • Avoid seeking out mainstream information in regard to individuals or contacting them on mainstream forums. WITHOUT their consent.
  • If using screen captures be careful to blur out vanilla or MAINSTREAM information including names.
  • Do not give out location information as this crosses a dangerous line – potentially exposing people to individuals prone to use violence as a communication device -many of whom may not even be part of any community.
  • Speak to your local community leaders to ensure those who violate known community rules are addressed. If someone has committed a CRIME report it to law enforcement or otherwise utilize the criminal JUSTICE system. That is why it exists.

WE believe in Reconciliation FIRST!

If you are a person who has engaged in this behavior:
  • Stop this behavior immediately. You can remove all traces of this behavior and STILL stand for what you believe in and speak about issues that are important to you.
  • Say “I’m Sorry” or post a public apology for your behavior. You did public harm and so your apology needs to be public as well – this goes a long way in healing.
  • Don’t tolerate or excuse this behavior in others. Tell your friends and associates that this behavior is damaging, may violate certain bullying laws and that you will not associate with it.
If you run a conference, group, club or event:
  • Create a very strong and clear zero tolerance policy statement AGAINST outing – including social media. Fetlife has a policy against doing this – your event, club or conference needs to have this in place as well – this is really the ONLY way to insure that you have a SAFE SPACE FOR YOUR ATTENDEES. 
  • Create a policy to ban people from your group, conference etc. if you have been provided evidence of online outing  – while it can be difficult to prove offline outing …with screen captures you can definitely prove outing on social media. 
  • Create a strong zero tolerance policy against outing for all of your presenters, teachers and speakers – anyone found to be engaging in outing behavior on social media will be banned from your event and will not be allowed to teach or speak at your event in the future. 
If you own a title:
  • Create a zero tolerance policy of ’NO OUTING’ for your title holders – if they have been found to engage in outing behavior online their title will be pulled and they are no longer welcome at your conference. 
  • Create a strong zero tolerance policy against outing for all of your judges – anyone found to be engaging in outing behavior on social media will be banned from your event and will not be allowed to judge, teach or speak at your event in the future. 
If you are a judge, presenter or are thinking about running for a title:
  • Ask conferences, producers, groups, and clubs directly to see written documentation that they have a zero tolerance policy specifically against online outing. 
  • If they do not have a policy in place – ASK THEM to put one in place immediately in writing for your OWN protection.
  • Refuse to attend, teach, run for a title in any event that refuses to have a clearly stated zero tolerance policy regarding all forms of outing behaviour. 
If you are an attendee, presenter, titleholder or judge:
  • Do NOT assume ANYONE is OUT! Even if they seem to be. They may be out to you, but not in general.
  • If you know of clubs, organizations, etc.. that don’t have a zero tolerance policy in place, use your influence to request that they do so immediately.
  • If they refuse to put a clear zero tolerance policy in place, use your influence to let others know that they do not have a policy in place and that attendees may be at risk by attending their event. 
  • Consider posting in the APPROPRIATE spaces a list of conferences, clubs, organizations that DO have a “No Outing” policy
  • Consider posting the following on your Fetlife profile if you have one “I do NOT Consent to having my Lifestyle persona, or scene name linked with my LEGAL (aka vanilla or mainstream) name, location or profile on any form of social media. Doing so is called “outing” and is a form of cyber bullying and a consent violation. “
  • Judges – specifically consider asking the following question of contestants; “Is there any reason to ever out someone – and to whom?” There is a world of difference in outing an abuser/assailant to law enforcement for JUSTICE and outing someone whose views or personality you don’t like for a VENDETTA

It is our sincere desire that these guidelines will assist you in taking PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY for your OWN Safety.

Lastly, our intention is that this will be the LAST thing we have to share in regard to this particular issue and we can get back to writing about how YOU can create and sustain POWERFUL power exchange dynamics.


OUTING: Definition; Outing, also known as doxing, refers to the act of openly revealing sensitive or personal information about someone without their consent for purposes of embarrassing or humiliating them. This can range from sharing someone’s legal name and personal or employment information with the kink community at large, to weaponizing social media by posting personal information connecting a persons scene name with their mainstream identity and/or information. 

We’ve received a number of messages from those in the scene wondering what happened to slave Namaste’s Fet profile. 

A very highly regarded Master and Mistress reached out to us this morning. 
She asked if we were okay and expressed REAL CONCERN that this was done. And she said… “She OUTED you… and that is NOT okay” 

Immediately we could see the ripples. How this says a great deal about our standards as a community…and it’s so much bigger than US.
One of the things we had to edit about our “Telling the truth” post (here) was that the person who accused slave Namaste of being  transphobic OUTED her. 

and… she’s a titleholder. 

In the midst of the drama, and addressing so much of what occurred we didn’t think it mattered. 

Because only ONE person had the temerity to TELL her that she outed slave Namaste. 
ONE person. 
Out of HUNDREDS of comments. 

She screen captured items from slave Namaste’s mainstream FB profile with her LEGAL NAME on it and shared it with her KINKY audience AND told everyone where both Master Obsidian & slave Namaste would be presenting. 
And NO ONE said anything. (we have blurred her name so as not to out her)

Just consider that for a moment. 

Imagine yourself in that situation

Imagine this being done to you. 

Imagine what it could cost you in regard to your children, your employment, your LIFE. 

Yet… the ONLY thing anyone cared about was her slanderous accusation.  And her lie that M/sC pulled US (when in fact we pulled out so as to not allow drama to detract from the conference)

This is terrifying to us.  That a blatant OBVIOUS act like this is tolerated.  That this is considered “Good behavior” by others. 
She was actually called a “whistleblower” by a certain individual defending her. 


Since then we’ve noticed others doing likewise. Sharing LEGAL names and locations on the Book of Faces in their zeal for call out culture.
In some sort of bizarre misguided attempt at justice people are listing on MAINSTREAM platforms others FetLife names and legal names. And this is CONDONED. (BTW… if you have been assaulted and want justice, this is what the LEGAL system exists for – NOT social media)  – 

Her behavior – as a titleholder has now EMBOLDENED others that this is the standard, this is Okay. 
Is this what we want? Titleholders that use their voices to OUT people? 

So why do we call this “NOT our IMsL”? 
Because this person is currently Ms Texas Leather 2019 and will be competing for IMsL in 2020. The larger community and judges need to be aware and decide if THIS is the behavior we want representing us… and what this means for the FUTURE of this community. 

Recognize that you’re responsible for who you ELECT to represent you, and who you celebrate in WRONG DOING to others. Title producers  and judges need to remember that giving someone a sash and a back patch means they represent YOUR title and that says something about the DIRECTION you condone.

When we celebrate and condone Call OUT culture… it leads in swift order to OUTING culture.  
And yes… for many it has no real effect…but let’s be honest, for the vast majority the effects of that are DEVASTATING.  After all thats why so many in the Leather and BDSM communities have 2 profiles on social media or do not friend kink folks on social media. 
For fear of this. 

At one time we would have thought this was simply the nightmare of a fearful mind…that no one in this Community would EVER violate one of our most sacred rules. A rule that is based in safety, privacy and CONSENT.   

Now we realize the monsters of nightmares walk amongst us with a sash and a Title. 
Be careful out there, these Leather waters have gotten treacherous- those circling fins aren’t dolphins they are SHARKS.

It is time for the Truth to Come Out

For the past few weeks we’ve been relatively quiet as accusations have been hurled about and our names have been dragged through the mud by people who don’t know us, have never met us and would NEVER say the things they are saying online in person. 
Our tendency has been simply this… I have nothing to defend. 
Therefore when asked to defend ourselves we simply declined. 
Those who know us know the truth and those who do not – don’t really care about it. 
That said, because many of the details DID NOT occur online- it’s time to give Power to TRUTH… and let it do what it does. 
Leather families are complex. They can be prone to drama.
Ours has had it’s fair share. Master Obsidian started Sankofa Leather Tribe years ago to begin to bring some Leather households of like mind together in service to each other and the community as well. 
Over time one family began to become more and more antagonistic, both of other families in the Tribe and towards Leather leaders in general. For years they sowed discord in the family and were very vocal of their contempt for certain conference producers and individuals in the leather community. We would explain and defend as they were new to the leather community. (Interestingly many of those we defended are now supporting them in their malicious attacks of us…how ironic). After years of a tendency to use character assassination and hostility as a communication device we had enough and this family was removed from Sankofa Leather tribe. 
One of our basic Tenets for House Obsidian is always civility. 
And so we were civil when we would see them out and about in the lifestyle.
Recently the s-type turned Dominant of this same household won a title and began to use her platform to launch what we call “Social Justice Terrorism” – this is when a person uses their “Voice” on the platform of social media to assassinate the character of others by using incendiary language that creates knee-jerk emotional responses in order to further ideological goals.
And no, the use of the term Terrorism is not extreme…it is in fact scary in it’s accuracy.
“… terrorism mercilessly destroys social values on the pretext of protecting superior values. People, with low social status, display aggressive behaviour patterns and violent acts to earn respect, attract attention and realise themselves. At this point, radical terrorism provides a great opportunity for these unqualified people to gain glory, protect their honour and thus achieve status” (1)
If you use a term like “racist” for instance in labeling someones speech or actions – most people don’t ask in response “Is that really racist?” Because to ask this is akin to being a racism apologist – instead most people will sympathize and support because EVERYONE wants to be perceived as a “good” person… and besides no one would say it if there wasn’t SOME truth to it… right? 
This tendency is PRECISELY what SJT (Social Justice Terrorists) rely upon. They use these acts of social media violence “to earn respect, attract attention and realize themselves”. 
They rely upon the hot and fast nature of social media, they rely upon people not thinking for themselves. They rely upon a lack of temperance and questions. 
In the SJT world- the person who strikes FIRST is the victor – because any response other than “You are right” is painted with additional scorn, derision and character assassination. 
This person – screen captured a FB post that was written by slave Namaste and called her trans-phobic – while simultaneously posting information telling her audience where we would be presenting next and cautioning attendees of that conference to not attend our classes. 
Not to mention – and perhaps just as importantly: In so doing on SOCIAL MEDIA this person violated one of the most closely held and sacred tenets of this community – OUTING both Master Obsidian and slave Namaste on Facebook. 
Slave Namaste is NOT transphobic (something that when mentioned in rebuttal to what was being claimed – caused others – even transpeople who defended her- to ALSO be labeled transphobic, among other things..) 
The writing that was called transphobic can be found here, along with Namaste’s writing on the subject.
We are not in any way ashamed of our stance on these issues. As parents we feel strongly about the rights and RESPONSIBILITY of a parent to PARENT their children – and that such parenting and guidance does not END when it comes to issues of gender. 
We believe that some misguided parents misusing this authority and responsibility and harming their children does not make ALL parents suspect. 
We believe strongly that schools do NOT have the right to supersede parental authority unless the parents can be shown to be abusive. 
We believe those who say they knew they were Trans from childhood and needed parental support.
We also believe those who say that they THOUGHT they were trans and realized they were not and appreciated the parental guidance THROUGH it. 
To paint our perspective on PARENTING as TRANSPHOBIA is twisted logic and pure lies. 
To jump on board this crazy caravan because YOU don’t want to be considered transphobic is cowardice. 
That said, that was not the end. 
Master Obsidian is on the board of Butchmanns. 
Butchmann’s owns the SWLC and engages the executive director and by extension all the support teams and volunteers etc., to put on the SWLC conference. 
The board recently informed the committee that based upon the negative behavior in the community of the scheduled Emcee  that the board believed that it was not in the best interest of the SWLC conference to contribute negative energy to the conference by providing her a microphone and a platform.
The Committee put in place to run SWLC did NOT want this person removed. They REFUSED categorically to remove the emcee. They then issued the board an Ultimatum… she stays or fire us. 
Now, it should be said that the board OWNS SWLC – the committee serves at the pleasure of the Board of Directors and has no right whatsoever to hire or fire an emcee without the Boards consent. 
Butchmanns decided that this person should not be the Emcee at SWLC because this is not the first time she has used her platform to cause division in the community – and given her reputation for the same, it was decided that energy was NOT welcome and would not be given a platform (or a microphone) representing the SWLC or Butchmann’s Inc. 
After a long discussion between the board chair and the committee – during which the board chair was informed that the committee had planned to engage this Emcee anyway – with or without Board approval – and if the board did not agree to their demands, then the board was free to fire the committee. (This actually goes without saying because the committee serves at the pleasure of the Board, not the other way round – so in essence the committee actually fired themselves due to insubordination) 
Unfortunately as all of this is taking place – someone comes forward accusing a well known ritual facilitator and leader of a group of misconduct and consent violations from 2 years ago. Following this others come forward with other accusations going as far back as 12 years. 
The committee wanted to ban this person from the SWLC conference – even though this person apparently had no plans to attend SWLC. 
In some weird way…the Committee begins to conflate these things in their re-telling- saying that the Board removed them because they wanted to ban an abuser. 
This is categorically NOT TRUE. 
To add weight to their story the committee keeps saying “Well are all of us lying?” 
To this I would say YES… they are. 
Proverbs 6:16-19
16These six things doth the LORD hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him:
17A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood,
18An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief,
19A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.


Bruce Hoffman, Inside Terrorism, Colombia University Press, New York 2006.

Civility for slaves pt 2 – Acknowledge your Master

My apologies  that this is a bit delayed- apparently a week goes past far quicker than I thought…LOL

So the second rule of civility is to Acknowledge others- especially Acknowledging our Owners.

So often as slaves we can be incredibly self referenced. Everything is all about us- and if you are involved in the greater Lifestyle community this is promoted as what M/s is all about – Master calls this “slave centric M/s” – where the needs of the slave is what the dynamic is all about.

If thats your thing dear heart I honor your path- but thats not the type of M/s that we practice – so you may desire to stop reading now.

Every action done in company, ought to be with some sign of respect to those that are present. ~George Washington.

I’ve noticed in recent years the idea of the power slaves has often meant a slave who is down right rude or “in your face” when it comes to interaction. All grace and civility (if any) is reserved for his/her Master.

The thing about that in my estimation is that regarding people as worthy of respect is an inside job- often slaves who are seething with rage at the world- also have that same sort of resentment and anger towards their Owner – but they do not express it.

How much more helpful is it to make the Acknowledging of others a part of our behavior without feeling that it diminishes us in any way.

Acknowledging others importance, existence, feelings and thoughtful actions are all valid and wonderful aspects to cultivate. And cultivate is what is required in our 1st world country where we tend to take things for granted.

And that brings us back to our Owners.

Do you acknowledge all of the Dominance and Mastery you are honored to receive from your Owner? Do you consider your Owner’s feelings before you respond or react?

Giving honor to others is not something that they should have to EARN – respect is something we can freely give because respect only expands you- it can never diminish you. Even if the person you were giving greater honor to ends up behaving in a dishonorable manner- it does not in any way diminish the beauty of your giving them honor.

When we do not acknowledge others we wound them in 3 ways.

1- Inconvienance or indifference

2 – Denial of existence or loss of face

3 – Conflict with their own sense of appropriate conduct.

This is true of our Owners as well. When we do not acknowledge all they do, we put then in the unfortunate position of having to decide if thats something to correct us for or something that should be allowed to slide. We shame them or wound their pride. We say that we are indifferent to their humanity.  Furthermore if we treat others in this way – we make the statement to the word that THIS is the value system of our Owner.

While there has been much dialogue about if a slaves behavior represents his/her owner or not- it’s really very simple – most people will assume the slave is a reflection of her/his Owner.  Under this ideation – what is my behavior communicating about my Master?

Questions for consideration and reflection:

  • How can I give greater acknowledgement to my Owner?
  • What am I NOT acknowledging as I should?
  • Are there any people specifically that my Owner desires me to Acknowledge more that I’m not? (elder in the lifestyle, Senior Masters or Senior slaves?)
  • Has my distraction by things led to my lack of acknowledging of people?

In submission and surrender to Him,

~slave Namaste

I AM His Will

A few weeks ago I was talking with one of my BFF’s – she is also a slave and she said to me “Your life sounds horrible to me”

I laughed and said “Thanks” because I knew what she meant.

My life as  Masters slave is quite different than her life as her owners slave.

Master has a HUGE Vision. Our lives are often busy with periods of do-nothing in between. Even during those “do-nothing” period we’re still very busy with the children, the animals, the local groups and the building of our businesses.

My friends life is more still. No travel. No public speaking.

While we both do not work for anyone outside of our Owners- our lives look different.

This is why I often say that any ideal of what slavery looks like will be a 30,000 foot view- a Template at beast. Because the Reality of living as His (or Hers as the case may be) – will be substantially different.

Long ago when I was a little girl I wanted a little house at the foot of a hill. I envisioned myself living right where a forest turned into non-forested land in a small cottage with a twirl of smoke coming from the chimney. This was not so much literal as symbolic of the sort of simple life I desired.

But I AM His Will.

My Owner desired a lifestyle that is sort of a mixture of Movers and Shakers meets Homestead. LOL We have chickens (we had goats), and children and quietude at our house. We rarely entertain at home. We recycle. I engage in food preservation such as canning and dehydration as well as making much of our own products such as detergent and body butters.  We also travel at least once a month, have cause to dress up in ball gowns and tuxedos from time to time, and speak in front of hundreds if not thousands of people a year. Why? Because this is His Vision

And I AM His Will.

When I say “I am His will” What am I saying.  This is a step further than even the alignment of will that I often write and speak about. Like many things it is a process. For me it is the hearing of His will, the understanding of it as much as I can grok at any one time, the beginning to align externally and internally and eventually – the BECOMING. To internalize it so deeply that there is no place within me where you will not find it.  For some things this has been very easy and taken mere moments for other things – due to the complexity of the idea or worldview, or my flexibility (or inflexibility) in that area – it took longer. Either way it is always the goal.

Some slaves have told me that they find the idea of alignment of will to be so HARD. It seemed so extreme and far more challenging than giving mere compliance. I can understand how the idea initially feels that way – especially when most writings concerning Power Exchange seem to promote an internal rebellion with an external appearance of obedience.  For me though – incongruence is the WORST thing. Behaving one way and Feeling another internally is the height of inauthenticity. And while this is often a PART of the process of alignment of will and becoming the will of a Master- it is not the end point. It should be considered a liminal state not the destination. By becoming His will there is not separation no internal conflict between my wants and desires and His wants and desires. There is a simplicity and peacefulness.   I have also found that by becoming His will – I am spending time studying Him deeply. Seeing if there is anyway where I need micro aligning the way a chiropractor manipulates the spine back into alignment.

I Am His Will.

And it is my honor and pleasure to be so.

In submission and surrender to Him,

~slave namaste


Keynote Address – BOLD 2014

I Am Doing a Great Work, I Cannot Come Down.

Good Evening.

It is good to be here with you tonight.

Here’s a question; What do an old testament architect, an airline captain and an erect penis have in common with each other?

At first glance not a whole lot, but I assure you that if you stay with me for a moment you will find that they are all related, very much so.

So let’s begin.

So it came to pass that…. As a storyteller, I believe that next to Once Upon a Time, So It Came to Pass is the best opening to a story in my opinion anyway..

And… So it came to pass that…

 In the sacred text we see that there is a man Nehemiah, an official in the Persian Court who is also cupbearer to the king – who in the course of time discovers that there is something terribly amiss and that is troubling him.

In fact this situation is troubling him SO much, that you can see it all over his face.

In the course of his duties in the palace he comes across the King… and the King seeing his countenance fallen like this asks what’s going on.

He says, in the ways of Kingly speech –

 Nehemiah…. why the face??? What’s going on here?

 Nehemiah replies to the King – the walls of my city are fallen and its gates have been burned with fire and the citizens thereof scattered to the four winds.

 The King replies – what would make you feel better? As they are friends, inasmuch as a King and a cup bearer can be said to be friends, the King wants to know what He can do to help with the situation that is troubling his friend – Nehemiah replies that he would feel better if the walls to the city of Jerusalem could be rebuilt and restored and that his kinsmen be gathered together again.

The King replies in the manner of Kings – Go… and see to this thing and report back to me.

So with the kings blessing and under that authority Nehemiah did travel with the appropriate papers and official seals and such and on his way to the jobsite he began to gather materials and workmen and shortly we find that he did indeed begin the project…. the work of rebuilding the walls.

And wouldn’t you know it – Right from the very beginning – work hadn’t even been started well yet…and there’s trouble on the horizon.

I won’t get too deep into the meat of this story just yet – I want you to pause right there, see this is an important part of the story – but lets pause for a moment, we will come back to Nehemiah a little later and see how he’s doing.

Instead I want you to come with me aboard Eastern Air Lines Flight 401.

Eastern Air Flight 401 was a Lockheed L-1011-1 Tri-Star jet; the jet is only 4 months old.

Its 11:42pm on December 29, 1972, and we are on a routine flight from New York to Miami.

From all indications this flight was indeed routine until about 11:32 p.m., when the flight began its approach into Miami International Airport.

There’s the usual scritchy airline captains voice coming over the intercom telling everyone that ‘we are going into final approach,’ giving the correct time and telling everyone the usual, how important it is to take your seats and fasten seat belts and all that kind of thing.

You know the drill; we’ve all been through it any number of times.

And as they settle into their approach to the Miami airport they lower the landing gears.

After lowering the gear, the first officer Stockstill noticed that the landing gear indicator, a green light identifying that the nose gear is properly locked in the “down” position, did not light up the way it was supposed to.

The captain, Mr. Loft, who was working the radio during this leg of the flight, told the tower in Miami that flight 401 would discontinue their approach to the Miami airport and they requested to enter a holding pattern.

The approach controller cleared the flight to climb to two thousand feet and then hold west over the Everglades.

This is routine – they then make an announcement to the folks in the cabin that they are in a holding pattern and the crew immediately begins working on fixing this problem

The cockpit crew removed the light assembly and the second officer Repo was dispatched into the avionics bay beneath the flight deck to check visually through a small viewing window to see if the gear was down.

Fifty seconds after reaching the assigned altitude of 2000 feet, the captain instructed first officer Stockstill to put the L-1011 on autopilot.  And then for the next eighty seconds, the plane maintained level flight.

Then, it dropped one hundred feet, (not a major deal) so now we are at 1900 feet…and then again flew level for two more minutes, after which it began a descent so gradual the crew could not perceive it. 

In the next seventy seconds, the plane lost an additional 250 feet and this was enough to trigger the altitude warning chime located under the engineer’s workstation. This puts us at around 1600 feet and the plane is still in a gradual descent….

Now if you’ve ever been walking onto a plane while the crew goes through the pre-flight check, they always check a multitude of these warning chimes, bells and whistles so to speak before they push back and go in flight. Sometimes you may hear this computerized voice say things like “Wind Shear!” “Wind Shear!” “Pull UP!” Pull UP!!” “Flaps! Flaps!” and other phrases and words designed to specifically alert the pilot that something is seriously amiss and needs to be corrected immediately.

Well, when the alarm went off this time, there was no indication that anyone heard it.


Because the person that is responsible for monitoring such things (the second officer Repo) is now in the avionics bay looking for the source of the problem of the light that malfunctioned.

As a result, the plane considered its gradual descent…and in another fifty seconds the plane was at half its assigned altitude. So we are at about 1000 feet and still descending….

As Stockstill started another turn, onto 180 degrees, he noticed the discrepancy. The following conversation was recovered from the flight voice recorder later:

Stockstill: We did something to the altitude.

Loft: What?

Stockstill: We’re still at 2,000 feet, right?

Loft: Hey—what’s happening here?

These guys are trained professionals; it probably occurred to them in an instant exactly what had happened.

The plane was now less than 1000 feet above the everglades, which were pitch black because well…they are the Everglades for goodness sakes, not a whole lot of ambient light pollution like there would be over a big city to indicate where the horizon is in relation to where YOU are in a big giant plane. And yes, they have that ‘horizon’ indicator that works; in fact they have a multitude of devices that can tell them at a glance exactly what’s happening.

But it was a perfect storm of simple errors, simple mistakes.

Any one of which would be a minor thing – not a big deal at all.

In the aggregate however – all of them happening at the most inopportune time…. you have a perfect storm of the worst thing that could happen.

Cumulatively – the effect was devastating to the pilots and to the unsuspecting people in the cabin behind them.

If you have the plane on autopilot and the people who are responsible for keeping the plane in the air are preoccupied with finding out about this light that isn’t working right, and the person who is supposed to be listening for the alarm is unfortunately nowhere around when the altitude alarm goes off, well…

If you know a little bit about planes, you know that when a plane turns, or banks – it can lose both airspeed and altitude rapidly unless the pilot gives the plane a little more gas – but they were in this gentle holding pattern (they thought) so no extraordinary flight maneuvers required, just a gentle turn and then its back onto the straightaway – a holding pattern is kind of an oval in shape, and its like an old fashioned racetrack…. straightaway, turn, straightaway…over and over again.

But in this case all of the mistakes added up to a really serious situation.

All of the possibilities collapsing down to a single moment in time of devastating certainty.

The plane has lost too much altitude and when they begin to go into this gentle turn at what they believe is 2000 feet above the inky surface of the Florida everglades, by this time they are probably a hundred or so feet above the surface…. and as a result the wing of the plane cuts into the surface of the Everglade swamp followed shortly by the fuselage and the rest of the plane at approximately 250 miles an hour, killing 101 of the 176 souls onboard.

This was discovered to be due to a burned-out light bulb. The landing gear could have been manually lowered either way. The pilots cycled the landing gear but still failed to get the confirmation light that they were looking for and as a result kept looking for the source of the problem, distracted from the much larger problem that was rapidly going to become part of their reality.

Their single minded focus on what seemed to be the most important thing at the time led to the first crash of a wide-body aircraft and at the time of this particular tragedy the second deadliest single-aircraft disaster in the U.S.

What Matters Most to you??

We’ve all done it.

Succumbed to the very human tendency to focus on the relatively insignificant at the expense of the profound.

It happens to all of us, not just airline pilots – it happens to everyone.

Sending a text when you need to be paying attention to the road.

Reaching over to get your phone, or your soft drink or whatever is really interesting on the seat of your vehicle traveling at speed down the highway.

It will only be a moment.

A quick second.

But that’s all it takes really, right?

Road conditions change, something happens that we weren’t expecting and then we are in a situation.

Focusing on the insignificant at the expense of the profound.

It’s relatively easy to get distracted by something that looks like it might be important

And hell, for all we know it seems like it might be something that really ‘needs doing’.  We are a nation of problem solvers; we pride ourselves on our ability to multitask, to juggle priorities, to come up with solutions….

But focusing on the insignificant at the expense of the profound can have disastrous consequences.

Now lets check in with Nehemiah at the job site.

Work is proceeding along, he’s got his men working, he’s got all of the necessary materials – the old burned stuff has been hauled away and the walls are going up!

Where there was nothing happening before – now there is the sound and activity, the hustle and bustle of new construction!

As Nehemiah continues to build, where there was rubble and in some places nothing at all – he attracts attention.

People who didn’t have an opinion one-way or the other prior to the construction – well…now they have an issue.

And like folk will do when there’s something new happening that they don’t understand and maybe don’t agree with…

Some will come and appear on the surface to support what you are doing – while at the same time undermining it under the banner of ‘I’m just trying to understand’.

And then some will want you to stop doing whatever you are doing, as in Nehemiah’s case, until they give you the authorization to proceed.

And for each of those – because the work that you do is so significant and necessary – it doesn’t really matter what the interruption is about, if you’re Nehemiah you do not have time to come down from building the wall!!!

That’s job ONE. Building that wall!

That’s why you asked the King and got His permission!

That’s why you gathered all these materials together!

That’s why you were able to recruit all these men to help with the construction!

You have to realize that in order for the wall to get built, you cannot come down…to chat! 


Your work is important,

Your work is necessary

Your work is vital

Your work is no accident.

So the naysayers and the ‘well, why don’t you just stop until we can UNDERSTAND just what’s going on around here’ people would come to the jobsite and they wanted to talk.  They would invite him to meetings constantly, they would say why don’t you take a moment from what you are doing and come and talk with us about this project?

And Nehemiah’s reply was…Um NO.  Can’t do it.

I have work to do here.

In fact, I am doing a GREAT work, and no…I cannot come down.

And sometimes – Your answer must be similar – what he actually said to them was ‘if I come down from the wall to talk with you, how is the work going to get done?

If I stop what I’m doing to come down from the wall and talk to YOU…HOW is the WORK going to get DONE????

So – No, thank you.

I am doing a great work – I cannot come down.

As I understand it – (and because I took the time to read the trifold, lol) The purposes and origins of MDHL are three fold:

To develop a sense of community, to foster a sense of ethics, transparency and accountability among those that identify as MDHL-fs, and to better understand and define the dynamic, sharing mutual experiences…..

I believe that when you desire to develop a sense of community among Dominant men and submissive/slave women to address concerns that are specific to their lifestyle dynamic – there will be some…. that do not understand you.

Or that will want you to stop building…until they can get a grip on you

Or who will just hate on you for even trying.

I am doing a Great Work – I cannot come down

When you endeavor to foster a sense of ethics, transparency and accountability among those who identify as MDHL-fs.  –

You will be opposed by those that are for whatever their reasons might be – challenged by those notions, of ethics, of transparency and of accountability.

You see, there were a number of people in power in the neighborhood of Nehemiah’s job site back in the day and one of the first issues that happened was that the landscape literally began changing around them.  They could no longer operate in ways that they had become accustomed.

In their cases they had been running up prices in the local real estate market and were doing a host of unethical things to the populace, but the re-building of the walls began to draw attention to other things that were not exactly as they should have been.

So change began to happen.

And they didn’t appreciate it, not one bit.

The work that was going on re-defined what it meant to be a part of that community, illuminating some things that needed changing…. and the same thing is happening today around us.

Don’t be surprised when Haters begin Hating – as the eminent theologian K. Williams wryly observed; Hater’s will in fact Hate – because you see that the role of Hater is not only a lifestyle, but an identity as well.

I am doing a Great Work – I cannot come down.

And Thirdly, I read that one of the things that you purpose to do is to work to better understand and define the dynamic we engage in through careful and thoughtful reflection and sharing of mutual experiences.

You have committed yourself onto a path to engage and to educate.

The BOLD implications of such an endeavor will open you up to criticism but more importantly in order to reach those that need to hear this message you must be vulnerable.

And yes I am BOLD enough to use the word BOLD in describing the BOLD nature of such an endeavor. (lol)

It can be tough to be vulnerable.  –  I recently wrote a piece on our mainstream website, richardandnamaste.com called ‘living my life as a dick’ that goes straight to the heart of that matter. My namaste actually wrote a piece about living her life as a clitoris which was amazing and wonderful in its own right and inspired me to write my article in response – check it out when you have a moment, she’s truly wonderful.

I am doing a Great Work – I cannot come down.

As a storyteller, I realized very early in my life that all of the most important lessons we learn in this life are carried to our hearts and minds through the vehicle of story.

I believe that you cannot really, truly know a person until you know their story…

That is why vulnerability is so important.

You see, you cannot engage in thoughtful reflection and sharing of mutual experiences if you are not willing to be honest about who you are and what your experiences have been.

If you putter around not sharing the essential you with the men around you, not sharing the essential you with the women around you, you are doing what the well-meaning crew of Eastern Airlines flight 401 was doing.

What a dear friend and colleague of mine used to call, ‘majoring in the minors’.

You will be focusing intently on the burned out light bulb of insignificance…while the plane full of people that ONLY you can reach hurtle toward their doom as the inky blackness of their own personal Everglades hurtles up to meet them.

The passengers of flight 401 didn’t know what hit them.

And the people on YOUR watch won’t know either…. If you aren’t focused on the WORK.

the WORK that you are uniquely qualified and charged to accomplish.

I am doing a Great Work – I cannot come down.

 So…..What if I did decide to go through my life as a Dick for just 24 hours.

  • To be the embodiment of masculinity, virile and potent
  • While simultaneously being vulnerable and tender.
  • As actualized masculine essence – Enthusiastically and vigorously inserting myself directly into situations that feel good to me, that bring me pleasure.
  • While at the same time avoiding or literally not responding at all to that which is not good to me or for me…I instinctually avoid those situations that are tense, are upstream or not pleasurable
  • Instead, I dive deeply into wondrous and mysterious places and situations again and again enthusiastically and passionately..
  • I find to my amazement that what was previously closed to me is now open, expectant and waiting for my arrival – everything is prepared for my ease and comfort, no detail has been neglected
  • I also move with ease through a world that receives me openly, deliciously and responds to my every movement with waves of acceptance and reflects my pleasure back to me multiplied and expansive.
  • When I am exactly where I should be, where I need to be, where I want to be – I feel invincible and magnificent. Nothing comes close to how wonderful I feel
  • In truth, I belong right here, right now – the situations and circumstances in which I find myself are literally tailor made for me – the most comfortable and delicious fit imaginable and I notice how exciting that is to me.
  • You see, I am committed to only taking inspired action – and enthusiastically rising to the occasion at the right time!
  • Additionally…I also effortlessly let things that no longer serve me pass right through me, I don’t hold onto things past their time.
  • I am so in love with my Purpose and I look forward expectantly to each opportunity to actualize my Purpose in this time and space.
  • Fully inhabiting this space, being the penis with all the potentiality of that energy and the intensity of this experience….is a Good Thing.  Seriously

If every man was truly and authentically a Dick..I mean, in the ways that I’ve just described, I believe that the world would be a much better off as a result.

So my advice to you is – Be A Dick. You owe it to yourself.

Be vulnerable.

Be strong.

Be about the work that you were purposed to do, that you NEED to do.

And take pleasure in doing so.

I am doing a Great Work…

I cannot come down.

Thank you.

To the Masters On Intimate Apparel….

Underwear, sleepwear…intimate apparel. I want to talk to the Masters about lingerie in general. An unscientific survey of Masters and slaves, Dominants and sub missives has uncovered an interesting trend….many female sub missives and slaves came into the relationship enjoying the wearing a lot of various pieces of lingerie.

Many female slaves and submissive report that their masters or mistresses typically get rid of most if not all of their lacy, frilly, sheer bits of intimate apparel. The story is pretty much the same all over – “He/She prefers that I be naked as often as possible. “Master considers the unadorned female form the most beautiful and it doesn’t require anything artificial like colorful wispy lingerie to make me even more beautiful.”.. lather, rinse repeat.. What happened???

These are awesome sentiments – in fact, I’ve said a variant of the same for years. Honestly, I didn’t see the point of intimate apparel – it was a translucent, diaphanous barrier of sorts and frankly I don’t like barriers of any kind between me and my namaste.

So there.

Confident in my anti-lingerie smugness, I concentrated on procuring delicious outfits for namaste to wear at events and in the dungeon and basically forgot about intimate apparel.  If my namaste is in her collar and a pair of heels, why that’s all that she needs, period. You can’t improve on perfection, I’d say to myself looking at her.

So what caused me to re-think my position on lingerie?

Well, when I apply a tiny bit of critical thinking to this, there are some gaps in this philosophy. To wit; while I realize that as King, it is good, right and proper for her to be attired (or not) as it pleases me, denying myself the pleasures of lingerie is just that, a denial. Lets take this example and try it on in other spheres of life;

Can you imagine; “Steak is delicious by itself, why do you need to add bleu cheese crumbles, or pour sizzling butter in the bottom of the plate, in fact why add any salt, pepper, garlic or spices at all? Phooey! Steak – medium rare. That’s all you really need.”

Or: I love my house, its beautiful just like it is!!! Why paint the walls, work on landscaping or hang pictures? Its just wonderful as it is, without all that claptrap and adornment.

Or: I love my vehicle!!! As long as its getting me from here to there safely, who cares about waxing, vacuuming, polishing or tuneups? Air freshener indeed! Balderdash! Poppycock! Its just a $%&)@ _____, not a fancy carriage, jeez! Its perfect just the way it is.

You get the point…

…Good, Better, Best

I consider myself as well as others on Our side of the slash as Royalty as well as aspiring Renaissance Men and Women. We consider it a challenge to derive the maximum amount of pleasure out of any field of endeavor we choose to pursue. So we DO want the tastiest food possible, given our palate and pocket – the most beautiful surroundings, the nicest conveyance… as it pleases us.

To go beyond our personal tastes and start thinking about what others might be thinking of us and modifying our tastes accordingly is the worst sort of hell. Unthinkable.

Differing tastes abound and what is aesthetically pleasing to one person will be rubbish to another. Developing a palate – that is being able to distinguish for oneself  between good, better and best according to your own internal guidance system is essential in my estimation to your personal evolution toward being the best version of yourself imaginable.

Good, better best on one hand…… Some vs none on the other hand.  

It is the stuff of Kings and Queens to be able to enjoy a wide variety of pleasures. When I think on myself kindly I should like to believe that I am constantly evolving and my slave as well. She is my will actualized in the world and a wonderful partner on this journey – our Great Adventure together.

Therefore it is very easy for me to come to a new conclusion regarding lingerie – to be able to look at it anew and to say regarding intimate apparel in particular that I look forward to relishing the experience of enjoying my namaste both clothed and not, and when it suits me I shall also enjoy un-wrapping her like a beautifully wrapped present.

Setting Intention

Just like the perfect appetizer enhances the meal that you know is to come, and a hint of your scent in an article of clothing can bring her comfort and pleasure when you are traveling away from home, the wearing of intimate apparel contributes to the mood, it helps set the stage and may even surprise you. Im a very visual person and Im also tactile as well – so something sensuous and silky wrapped around my namaste in jewel tones impacts my senses on a number of different levels. The obverse being that I deprive myself of the intensity of this experience if I insist that she just wears a big cotton t-shirt instead.

FEH.  I don’t like being deprived.

It is my wish that every Master, Mistress and Dominant reside in a garden of earthly delights, each according to your own vision of what you find personally delightful. Engage all of your senses – live the lush, juicy and delicious life of your dreams!!! O King, O Queen – stop depriving Your Royal Self!!! Adorn your property in some intimate apparel – treat yourself to some added deliciousness!!!

Rule Well,
Master Obsidian

Masters – What’s in Your Discard Pile?

Masters – as we approach the end of another year, I find myself focusing more and more on the notion of ‘out with the old, in with the new’.  Many of us have been through some ‘Interesting Times’ this year.  The end of the year is a time when we are reminded of the constancy of change and of what is truly important in our lives. As the final days of 2013 approach, what is changing within you? More importantly, what do you need to get rid of?

Screen Shot 2013-12-17 at 3.18.44 PM

Nearly every functional system has built within it a way to discard that which no longer serves.  A card game, our bodily systems, an household, an automobile, a corporation – all get rid of the things that once used, no longer serve the system in a contributory fashion and therefore must be discarded.  As you approach the end of this year, what do you have in your life and relationship right now that you have been holding onto that you now realize should be discarded or thrown away?

Why put things on the Discard Pile? Basically whatever the thing is – whether its a belief or conviction, a bad memory, a job you despise or even a particular person – if the energy of that thing irritates you, drains you or makes you feel bad or is just a sluggish lump in your world that you keep working around because you feel you need it but have forgotten exactly why… throw it out, give it away, sell it, let it go, move on.  Perhaps its time for you to finally move out from under the corporate umbrella and start that business you’ve been thinking about doing forever – time to put that job on the discard pile.  Old books you have no intention of reading, tools you no longer use, sporting equipment you no longer feel enthusiastic over…whatever it is, if it no longer serves your system or fits within your vision, you need to get it out of your circle.

How Getting Rid of Stuff Makes you a Better Master

You cannot put more into a cup that is already full. When you ‘clear the decks’ so to speak, you make room in your experience for the new, for Whatever is Next – you may not know exactly what the next thing is, but its almost a certainty that you will not move confidently toward it if your arms are still metaphorically full of That Which No Longer Serves You.  Most importantly, your Dominance and Mastery requires energy – lots of it. Holding on to things, whether they are outmoded ideas, ideologies, people, relationships or physical items requires an expenditure of your energy in one form or another.  Getting rid of energy drains leaves MORE energy for you to use toward the things that really matter. In these final days of 2013 – take a look around,  get rid of some stuff – let it pass from your hands into the waiting arms of someone that will see the value in it and has been waiting, hoping and praying for something just like THAT to show up. What are you putting on the discard pile this year? Share it below!!!!

Rule well.

Master Obsidian

Judgment and Power Exchange

This is a full body of work I’m doing – but I wanted to write this here – predominantly because Judgement is such a huge issue. And mostly because most of us just throw our hands in the air and say “Well everyone Judges!!” even though we know inside we shouldn’t, it feels like something we’re helpless to fix.

It feels like something that makes you or me a bad person.

Which is how most things on judging handle it. In judging your judgement.

Seems a bit circular don’t you think?

I’m not here to judge your judging. I’m here to offer an alternative. One that I hope will aid in the building and sustaining of your dynamic.

Practicing judgement can be one of the most dangerous and deadly actions we can do to relationships.


When we judge ourselves- we cease to accept ourselves. Acceptance is more important to mental and emotional health than self esteem.  Acceptance is the most precious gift you can give to your precious self. And yet so often we judge our most authentic expressions of self. The facets of ourselves that do not go along with the status quo. Those parts that are the minority and therefore more marginalized. Those parts that make us profoundly unique – we judge. .

When we judge our Masters we cease to accept Them. We deny them Autonomy and Agency. We become condescending and paternalistic, or judge and jury usually without many facts. We consider ourselves wise, cautious,  or  “taking a stand” as we judge those who we have entrusted with Authority and Power over us.

Here’s the thing. We don’t HAVE to judge. Not ourselves. Not our Masters.

But first a story. A few months back Master and I were hosting an event for a group of people in a subculture that we are not a part of. We had put in place a “do not” that from our perspective made good sense and from the perspective of this group – would limit their expression and adversely impact their fun. One of the leaders contacted me and said “Instead of a no – perhaps you can ask how this can happen”  – This made me stop and think. I had made a judgement, based upon my information and instead of staying curious, asking more questions,  and understanding there may be more to this than I realized – I said no.

I ASSUMED instead of asking.

How does this apply to Power Exchange dynamics?

When we stop asking questions – we start killing our dynamic.

When Judging increases – Love decreases. 

Even if your Power exchange dynamic does not include being “in love” – the love that is needful for the dynamic to exist and fulfill – love of the dynamic, love of your identity in it etc; whatever type of love is there- it decreases under the judgement.

Many of us wonder what to do in place of judging – after all you’re not an automaton and you experience things. If you’re not going to judge what can you do?

Not judging do not mean NOT SEEING.

We have other options and specifically as a slave interacting with her Master – these other options become extremely important.

  • Observe – An observation is a statement of fact, of what is so. An observation uses neutral language to avoid the pejorative, and to refrain giving it any meaning. It says nothing about whether you and/or your action are effective or ineffective; good or bad; right or wrong.
  • Assess – An assessment goes further. It does assess whether your action is effective, or ineffective, in reaching the desired goal. Yet an assessment also refrains from moral judgement. It also avoids good or bad, right and wrong.
  • Judge – A judgment goes on to add meaning; good or bad, right or wrong. Yet different things have different meanings for different people.

As you can see above- we have two other options – two important options that actually build the dynamic instead of tearing it down. You can  observe and you can assess. Both of these put you and your Owner on the same team, whereas judgement places your Owner UNDER your judgement and places you OVER Him/Her as the morality,good,bad police.

This change done repeatedly eventually erodes at the Power Exchange Dynamic.

How do we get out of Judgement? Curiosity and Appreciation. 

Curiosity says I’m interested in you. It provides space around  the issue – this interjection of space allows for more than simple right and wrong. It allows for the dynamic expression of who the Master is.  Curiosity is the door to Acceptance.

Appreciation- Appreciation is about expressing Value to your Owner for who He/She is and what He/She does. This keeps your from going too far on the Judgement train where you end up making value judgements to the negative. It very difficult to Judge and appreciate – although you can observe and assess and still appreciate.

There is a lot to this and this is by no means exhaustive. It’s a just snippet from something I’m working on.



A Message to S-Types – What you REALLY need to know

Okay – So I’m writing this because- well frankly because over the years I’ve heard all the community party lines and dogma and it seems to leave a lot out.

As a slave (who used to identify as a submissive) I was new at one time (yes really!!) and when I came into the lifestyle I was all wide doe eyes, excitement and healthy dose of New York caution.

I was told things by people who had been around for a long time. Things that sounded okay I guess but when I activated my spidey sense (AKA critical thinking) I quickly realized that in an effort to make the lifestyle seem a “safe place to explore” – people were saying things that could make me check my natural adult common sense at the door.

Here’s a “things you need to know” guide. A real one. I warn you – it may disillusion you or make this seem a bit more scary. If it does – good – I’ve done my job.

More here