I AM His Will

A few weeks ago I was talking with one of my BFF’s – she is also a slave and she said to me “Your life sounds horrible to me”

I laughed and said “Thanks” because I knew what she meant.

My life as  Masters slave is quite different than her life as her owners slave.

Master has a HUGE Vision. Our lives are often busy with periods of do-nothing in between. Even during those “do-nothing” period we’re still very busy with the children, the animals, the local groups and the building of our businesses.

My friends life is more still. No travel. No public speaking.

While we both do not work for anyone outside of our Owners- our lives look different.

This is why I often say that any ideal of what slavery looks like will be a 30,000 foot view- a Template at beast. Because the Reality of living as His (or Hers as the case may be) – will be substantially different.

Long ago when I was a little girl I wanted a little house at the foot of a hill. I envisioned myself living right where a forest turned into non-forested land in a small cottage with a twirl of smoke coming from the chimney. This was not so much literal as symbolic of the sort of simple life I desired.

But I AM His Will.

My Owner desired a lifestyle that is sort of a mixture of Movers and Shakers meets Homestead. LOL We have chickens (we had goats), and children and quietude at our house. We rarely entertain at home. We recycle. I engage in food preservation such as canning and dehydration as well as making much of our own products such as detergent and body butters.  We also travel at least once a month, have cause to dress up in ball gowns and tuxedos from time to time, and speak in front of hundreds if not thousands of people a year. Why? Because this is His Vision

And I AM His Will.

When I say “I am His will” What am I saying.  This is a step further than even the alignment of will that I often write and speak about. Like many things it is a process. For me it is the hearing of His will, the understanding of it as much as I can grok at any one time, the beginning to align externally and internally and eventually – the BECOMING. To internalize it so deeply that there is no place within me where you will not find it.  For some things this has been very easy and taken mere moments for other things – due to the complexity of the idea or worldview, or my flexibility (or inflexibility) in that area – it took longer. Either way it is always the goal.

Some slaves have told me that they find the idea of alignment of will to be so HARD. It seemed so extreme and far more challenging than giving mere compliance. I can understand how the idea initially feels that way – especially when most writings concerning Power Exchange seem to promote an internal rebellion with an external appearance of obedience.  For me though – incongruence is the WORST thing. Behaving one way and Feeling another internally is the height of inauthenticity. And while this is often a PART of the process of alignment of will and becoming the will of a Master- it is not the end point. It should be considered a liminal state not the destination. By becoming His will there is not separation no internal conflict between my wants and desires and His wants and desires. There is a simplicity and peacefulness.   I have also found that by becoming His will – I am spending time studying Him deeply. Seeing if there is anyway where I need micro aligning the way a chiropractor manipulates the spine back into alignment.

I Am His Will.

And it is my honor and pleasure to be so.

In submission and surrender to Him,

~slave namaste


Decide…then Direct


The action of providing direction is beneficial to the power exchange relationship in a number of ways.  Primarily, it clarifies the position of both parties and is a source of pleasure and energy for the power exchange relationship. The person on the ‘control’ side of the power exchange relationship provides direction to the other participants in the relationship. The person being controlled and directed feels safe and secure in response.  Master and slave, Dominant and submissive run on different fuel.  However, I’ve talked to a number of dominants that struggle with this from time to time. There are probably any number of reasons for this – but the one that I see quite often manifests in this fashion; “Being in control and providing direction is a wonderful experience for me. It is because I love/care for/appreciate you so much, that occasionally I will reward you by sharing this power with you.  This will take the form of  A.allowing you autonomy to make your own decisions  or B. I may even begin training you – my slave/submissive to begin exercising dominance on your own!! If you do a good job, eventually I may allow you to (gasp) have a submissive or slave of your very own!!! Wont that be GRAND?!

NO. No it will not be grand at all. Comparing this situation to the plot of a sci-fi movie, this would be where Our Hero slips on a banana peel and accidently drops the glowing test tube of toxins into the town’s water supply. When we as Dominants decide to share our joy of control with those that have exchanged their power with us, disaster often ensues for the relationship, but not immediately.  Its easy to mistake the fact that one’s submissive or slave takes to wielding power like a duck takes to water as clear indication from the universe that said submissive was ‘meant’ to be dominant all along. The actual reasons for this kinky metamorphosis may be quite different, and not as mystical in nature. Submissives in similar situations gravitating toward dominance at your direction is connected to why you, Kind Sir/Madam selected them in the first place, namely their tendency to have strong desires to PLEASE their DOMINANT. They are after all EXCELLENT at taking direction, even if the directions are toward an area of the map where they themselves would not ordinarily venture. Also one cant ignore the fact that we are all possessed of a near infinite variability and potential. It is most unfortunate when Masters discover too late that the harmony they enjoyed as M/s begins to dissipate pretty rapidly in a M/m environment.

There are of course a thousand thousand variations on this theme – what about switches? what about those that encourage the above scenario by design instead of by accident?  There will of course always be those individual circumstances that dont fit what I’ve described exactly or relationships that are apparently thriving in an environment I would personally consider inhospitable for my power exchange relationship.

YMMV etc.

Lets get back to the point. If it is my desire that my slave accomplish a particular goal or outcome, the scenario I illustrated above demonstrates the necessity of that DIRECTION, without it there typically will be little movement toward the desired outcome.  Of course Im being overly simplistic here – it is always a possibility that the slave can intuit my general intent and motivate him or herself towards the achievement of  the best possible outcome.  ASK then DECIDE highlighted the fact that having a discussion is not synonymous with making a decision.  It then follows that once the decision is made it must be communicated to be effective.  More specifically, after I’ve decided what should be done, it is essential to the health of our relationship to provide closure by giving a directive as to what will be done next.

A directive can cover any time period in the future, “this afternoon, I want you to call her back and tell her we will be there on Thursday as agreed”  be attached to other conditions “go to the store and if they have the hubbards on sale, purchase that – otherwise purchase brand X.”  ..and also be communicative for yourself as well as your charge.  “For the next month, we are both going to get up and do our meditations first before we begin our work day” Note that I said it can cover any time period in the future – I know a fair amount of Masters who are fond of giving directives that can only really be accomplished in the PAST. “You should have known to check with me FIRST before doing that!”  Not only is a directive to do something in the past impossible, this behaviour doesnt improve the relationship and often leads to confusion and unhappy, demotivated slaves and submissives.

Also, communicating preferences without directives can temporarily put the slave in a very uncomfortable position. ‘I love the taste of fresh lemonade!’ – Master exclaims. (the slave tries to figure out ‘is that for always? or for right now? should I put lemons on the shopping list? does Master want to be surprised by fresh lemonade? should we always have fresh lemonade in the house from now on?’)ad infinitum. The submissive or slave can really spin their mental wheels trying to ‘cover all the bases’ in an attempt to be pleasing. You can make things run a lot smoother by remembering to follow preferences with a directive ‘when you go shopping, buy lemons – and always make sure we have fresh lemonade on hand’

‘Should statements’ can often masquerade as free floating, anxiety producing pseudo directives- Master looks around the room “we should paint in here”. (slave thinks…when? what color? do it yourself or hire someone?) Master says “You know what? we should eat out more often!” (should slave get dressed? tonight? this weekend? or is this just increased frequency in comparison to how often we normally go out? ) The point of these examples is not to encourage Masters to dramatically restructure the way they talk, but to raise awareness and mindfulness concerning an area that many of us take for granted – that we are communicating effectively. The words of the Master tend to fall from lofty heights onto the ears of the slave and arrive with both velocity and impact.  The slave or submissive is always listening for the ‘go do’ associated with a clear directive.  Even if they get it ‘right’ by intuition, similarity to a previous directive or accident – if they proceed to act without a clear directive the result is less than satisfactory for both dominant and submissive, and actually is an energy drain on the relationship. It sounds deceptively simple, but most of the time when there is a general ‘blah’ feeling or a significant loss of enthusiasm in the power exchange dynamic it is due to neglect in this important area.

I receive pleasure from exercising control and dominance over my slave – it energizes me. My namaste by comparison receives pleasure from her response to my excercizing control and dominance in her direction, which energizes her.  The feedback loop of her responses of submission and surrender is also delicious to me, which becomes an additional motivating factor toward more dominance and control, and so it goes.  Mindfulness in communication can yield amazing dividends in the form of increased peacefulness and harmony in the power exchange dynamic.

Do the Work:  This week, pay attention to how often you are presented with information and what you do with it after you’ve received it. Do you tend to internalize it and keep it in your own head without communicating your wishes? Do you delay communicating a directive because you expect your submissive to ‘intuit’ what your directive would be? Are you concerned about being ‘wrong’ or communicating an ill advised directive? How many ‘preferences’ have you stated that have unintentionally become ‘law’ in your world? Is a stated preference synonymous with a directive in your relationship? Ask your submissive to list how many ‘rules’ you have that are really preferences in disguise. Commit yourself to deciding what you want done and providing clear direction whenever you are presented with new information.


Many Dominants find themselves In the situation from time to time.  Perhaps there are a number of decisions you need to make, or issues that need to be discussed. You have any number of discussions with your submissive or slave and life goes on.  You feel that the issue has been handled, or that enough discussion has taken place that the slave or submissive understands what your wishes are.  Until later – when they have a ton of questions regarding your preferences even though you’ve already discussed the pending issue at length.  Some of you may be nodding at this point – thinking this is a rant about Slaves That Just Dont Get It.  But it is not. it is YOU Kind Sir, Kind Madam that is creating a fertile field in which misunderstanding may take root. When we constantly discuss things without deciding – there is rarely satisfying closure for either party.

I have a question for you – do you typically make a decision immediately following the discussion of the issue? Or do you assume that the decision is imbedded in the discussion? Perhaps the unease you and your slave are feeling is the weight of too many discussions without decisions.

A good rule of thumb for Masters and Dominants –  ask for information first, then make a decision about what needs to be done as expeditiously as possible.  This keeps the structure of the power exchange relationship intact. This isnt about always making the best decision or the ‘right’ decision. Lets face it – being Dominant isnt synonymous with being omniscient or infallible. Sometimes you will make an ill advised decision regardless of how much information you have in advance. Its okay. It happens.  I tend to ask a lot of questions anyway –  I find that I often NEED to ask questions, because there may be information I dont know that I need to be aware of that can help me make better decisions. However, once enough information is in – my decision regarding ‘next steps’ is essential to progress.

(Most Interesting Man in the World voice) “I may not always need input from my slave… But when I do – the best time to get that input is prior to my decision.”

For example; One fine summer day I announce;  “I’ve decided! We are going to spend the day working on the yard, then we are going to the movies this evening. Find out what time the movie begins.”

Slave; ‘begging Master’s pardon…, you asked me to remind you that you scheduled a doctor’s appointment this afternoon? And this evening we were scheduled to have dinner with your brother and his wife?’

Master: Oh…. (dissapointed/irritated) Fine then…puts garden tools back in shed. Well, I really dont want to go to the Dr today, its beautiful outside and I need to get this sod put in place. Dayum. that’s right – we do have dinner plans scheduled. (still have not decided one way or the other. Ruminating inside my head about the tyranny of a full calendar. Brain starts to heat up from trying to figure out how to do everything I want to do PLUS everything I have to do in the same afternoon. Grumpy muttering ensues.  Eventually I wander off to do something else in the meantime mistakenly believing that its ‘obvious’ that Im going to go to the Dr as planned and to dinner, seeing as I put the garden tools back in the shed and said ‘Fine then’.  When slave asks question about my ‘pending’ decision in her eyes, Im still irritated and point out the ‘obvious’..that really isnt obvious at all to anyone but me. Does this scenario sound familiar?

Being Master, you COULD cancel all appointments and do what you want. But you are in the position now of backtracking over a previous decision – and you sound kinda whiny if you dont mind my saying. Even worse – kicking the decision back to the slave by asking; “slave – dont you think that our house would be better served by working on the yard instead of going to the dr and/or having dinner with family? What do you think we should do?  (of course no Dominant ever asks questions like that. Well, maybe other Dominants do…but not You.)

Scenario Two;

Master: “slave – what’s on my schedule for today?”

slave: “Master you  have a doctor’s appointment this afternoon. And this evening we are having dinner with your brother and his wife.”

Master: “Its a beautiful day outside and we need to get this sod in place on the lawn. Call my Dr and reschedule my appointment for next week, same time and day of the week if available. If not, try to get me in on a Thursday afternoon, or check my calendar to select a time when Im available.  Also..contact my brother as well, see if we can get together Sunday night for dinner.  I want to go to the movies this evening instead. Check showtimes and let me know what time the movie starts. Thank you.

slave: Yes Master!

Do The Work; Remember, having a discussion isnt synonymous with making a decision.  ASK then DECIDE is one of those simple little steps that can mean so much in a power exchange relationship but seldom receives the attention that it deserves. The astute Master or Dominant can get a ton of power exchange ROI from adopting this behavior on a consistent basis! Observe yourself this week – do you typically ask a lot of questions of your slave or submissive without making a final decision regarding what should take place next? Or do you decide first, then ask for additional information? Are you often in a backtracking mode, countermanding previously issued directives based upon new information received? Do you ask for additional information, then kick it back to the submissive or slave asking THEM what the best decision might be?  If you aren’t clear on how you generally respond regarding Ask then Decide – ask your slave or submissive, they are ideally positioned to provide excellent feedback that you can use. Commit yourself this week to Ask…then Decide.


The spaces between us…..

We have good intentions when we start out.  We want to be thought well of. We want to be the people our dogs believe that we are.

But many times we don’t measure up.

This has been a busy week for the both of us.  Three days ago I was on my back in the cancer ward of the MD Anderson hospital in Houston.  My brother has leukemia and has been battling it for some time.  He told me over 2 years ago that if things ever got serious, he’d let me know.  And so we talked, we hung out and laughed and had bbq and got mad at each other over stupid stuff, and time passed – but I knew when I got the call this would be serious and it would be time to go.

So I went to Houston for the procedure – it does involve needle play, and not in a good way.  Over 100 needle sticks – thankfully I was asleep for all the bad parts – I don’t like anesthesia though.

They go into your hip bones and extract bone marrow – the purpose of which is to extract the stem cells, in the meantime they’ve spent the past three weeks literally killing his immune system.  My cells in combination with his will join together to repair the damaged place in his DNA that tells his blood to keep making cancer cells and also to attack and kill the cancer cells that are present.

That’s the plan.

The spaces between us arent so great we found – Im not a 100 percent match, Im actually closer to 70%. But nobody, not friends, family, even his children matched as closely as we do.  And it wasn’t because of my rugged good looks, my intellect or my charming wit and sparkling personality that I match.

I match because of things that we share that are quite literally beyond my control.

Enough perhaps to make a difference in his life.  To save his life.

I would remind you also that almost exactly one year and eight months ago something happened which many people believed was just straight out impossible.  The nation came together to elect a black man president.

What does that have to do with you, you may ask?  The relevance of this singular event in our nations history is that we proved that we could do something – we could join together and repair the spaces that divide us in pursuit of one common goal.

And make no mistake black people – you did not do it alone.  There were plenty of people from across this nation that put aside whatever their issues were that divided them and embraced the ideas that they had in common and somehow managed to reduce the spaces between us all until that thing we thought was impossible…..became a reality.

There literally arent enough of us to make that happen – it took literally a nation of millions to make this a reality.

Of course that was only the beginning – after winning the presidency there’s the arduous task of actually leading the nation, and that is apparently a horse of a different color entirely.  It’s a tough job.  Im confident that he’s up to the challenge though.

Over three years ago, I was asked if we were willing to run for this title, in the Leather community the title of Southwest Master and Southwest Slave, as we are in the SW region.  I thought long and hard about what that would mean and what that would require.  At the time we didn’t even think about the International – we were having a hard enough time wrestling with the idea of running for the Southwest title.   The question came again – are you willing?  And the answer came back, yes – we will do it.  So we did, and became the first African American M/s couple to not only win the Southwest, but we also won the International title as well.  In this day and age you’d think that we’d pretty much run out of “the first Black whatever”, but apparently we were mistaken.  So why is this significant and I don’t believe what Im hearing……. but did Master Obsidian just draw a parallel between Barack and Michelle winning the White House and them winning the International and Southwest titles?  Has he lost his dayum mind? They must have taken out too much bone marrow because he’s definitely taken leave of his senses!!!

No, I havent – admittedly one of those is MUCH more important than the other.  I’ll leave that for you to decide which one.  Im just kidding.

They both are illustrative of what can happen when a group of people truly understands that it is the spaces between us where we are weakest – and when we draw closer together as a collective, we can accomplish whatever we put our minds to.

It also illustrates that nobody does this alone.  One man with one vote isnt enough to elect a president. One judges opinion carries the same weight – but together making a decision to choose what we believe is right we are unstoppable.

And it also illustrates that occaisionally what binds us together are things that we share that transcend the individual.

Ok, enough of the lofty metaphors – I was watching the discovery channel and the program was about the buffalo on the african plain – they really have NO defensive weapons whatsoever.
but when a lioness is trying to eat them…they form a circle and the weak and inexperienced are contained within that circle..and the strong face toward the outside and the ability of the predator to affect the group is measured quite literally by the spaces between those who are strongest.  when we allow ourselves to be far apart – when the space between our figurative shoulders can be measured in months, in years – then is it any wonder that we are so easily torn apart by those that really shouldnt be any threat whatsoever?

Words are not enough.  We must do.

So here we have run the gamut from human biology to political processes and leather contests. From the water buffalo to the white house.

So what?

What does this mean to you and how does this apply to our community?

For those who have already heard enough – you already know in your hearts what you need to do starting tonight.

For everyone else, let me get more specific.

The late president of Egypt, Anwar Sadat (who, with former Israeli prime minister Menachem

Begin, brought about the Camp David Peace Accord between Israel and Egypt) wrote these words while he was a young man in solitary confinement in a Cairo prison, “He who cannot change the very fabric of his thought will never be able to change reality, and will never, therefore, make any progress.”

Just like the water buffalo in the earlier example, some of us just don’t get it.  Its always someone elses fault, someone elses problem. Understand this however –  The predator doesn’t care about your issues or who’s ultimately at fault – the spaces between you are just enough to provide the access that is necessary to bring harm.

And it is the spaces between you that continue to be just wide enough, just big enough to provide access to that which you don’t want.

In your leather families.

In your groups.

In your households.

In your relationships.

Its not enough to point out what’s wrong with this picture.  You ALREADY KNOW WHATS WRONG.

But….How do we make it right?

We have got to learn to trust each other again. To seize the initiative and to reach out first.. instead of waiting to be reached out TO.

The spaces between us will not be mended with good intentions – the imaginary good that you might one day do if the perfect situation presents itself is worthless without action.  The spaces between us will NOT be mended with good intentions – besides, everyone knows that we are busy using those good intentions as paving stones on the road to hell so they are actually on backorder…sorry, theres just not enough to go around.

The spaces between us will not be mended with fakery or manipulation.  No tricks.

Trust is the fruit of the tree of regular actions, inspired by our consciences.  It is rarely produced by a dramatic one time effort.

Steven Covey says Loyalty, Apologies, Feedback and Forgiveness Are what builds trust among people and I agree with him.

Loyalty – what does this mean?  Loyalty means being loyal to those not present.  It means not joining in when everyone starts in on the Asshole of the Month discussion.  You’ve got to make a difference, you have to take a stand.

Apologies – when’s the last time you apologized for anything???  For some of us its been decades.  To learn to say “I was wrong” – “I was tripping” – My Bad – Im sorry.  A sincere apology can work wonders to repair a relationship and goes a long way to begin rebuilding the trust that we need.

Feedback – giving honest feedback is hard.  Nobody likes to be criticized for any reason.  But by giving and receiving honest feedback (or learning to at any rate) we free ourselves.  How?  Many of us have serious blind spots that we NEVER work on because the people around us havent learned how to give feedback constructively and we’ve never learned how to receive feedback constructively either. To offer honest and genuine feedback in love is a priceless gift.  To be able to receive feedback on what needs improving with grace and humility requires even more internal strength and fortitude…and its worth the journey.

Forgiveness – Forgiving. True forgiveness involves letting go and moving on. We all make  mistakes. We need to forgive ourselves and others. It’s better to focus on our own mistakes and ask forgiveness than to dwell on other people’s offenses and wait for them to ask forgiveness first, or give it begrudgingly if they do. When you forgive, when you refuse to bear a grudge, you actually take away another person’s power over your life.

And there’s a fifth thing that we can do to heal ourselves and to make the spaces between us smaller.

We need to try a little harder to love ourselves.  Not the way other people say we ought to be, but the way we are created. We can no longer pretend – the spiritual cost is too high. You need to look at your reflection in the mirror everyday when you are doing whatever you do and you need to take a moment to look yourself dead square in the eye and tell yourself that you love you.  You cannot in good conscience expect someone else to love and admire and respect that which you do not. Touch the collar around your neck and rejoice in it – tell yourself I love you. I accept you. I forgive you.  If yours is that hand that holds the end of that rope or leash – you are just as in need of self acceptance and love as the other.  Rejoice in your Mastery, your control, your Dominance.  Tell yourself I love you…often.

Our brother Darque recently crossed over to the other side.  When you look at his life’s work as a photographer – Is not that the central message of Darque’s work in and among us? Just look at those images!!!!!! Darque…he saw what was most lovely, what was most loveable, what was sexy and alluring and powerful and glorious and majestic and divine and special and wonderful and down right fucking spectacular in each of you, whether or not you saw it in yourselves at the time and he put it out there – right there where you could see it, taste it and touch it.

And remember it.

So that afterward you looked at that image and said – wow. That’s me. Some of you for the very first time – saw ourselves in a different light… for the very first time.

Even if the photograph wasn’t of you at all.  Even if you never sat in front of his lens – you look at those images and you say OMG. That’s beautiful. That’s me. There was and is something in his work that inspired us.  That humbles us – and at the same time elevates and celebrates us in a way that makes it almost impossible for us not to love ourselves. Darque made us beautiful – by exposing the beauty that is already within us and giving it a tangible, palpable life and energy. And for that I for one will be forever grateful.

That’s the power of living the life you were given and choosing to exercise the talent that the Divine gave you to the best of your ability.  That’s the impact of a well lived life.

So the challenge before you today – is what are you going to do tomorrow.  You make the difference.

It’s up to me to extend myself.

It’s up to me to love myself.

It’s up to me to say sorry when I’ve offended or hurt another.

It’s up to me to be loyal to the person that isnt here.

Its up to me to be responsible for the distance between myself and others and to do something about it.

Its up to me to not take up arms in a literary, figuratively or literal sense against my brother or sister.

Like I said earlier – a dramatic, one time effort is not enough.  We are going to have to build the trust between each other one step, one action at a time.

If a nation can do it to elect a president, if a leather community can do it to accomplish something unprecedented. If the Divine has invested creatures with barely any sense at all to know enough to draw closer together – to reduce those spaces between….then we really have no excuse at all do we?

What happens next – as always, is literally in our hands.


Thank you.

Master Obsidian

Black Beat Keynote Address

August 2010

Mastery vs Selfishness…

When is a Master like a Big Baby?  Is Mastery just selfishness dressed for the prom?

A hungry or wet baby isn’t trying to be mean or cruel to you as a parent by whimpering, crying or throwing an enraged screaming fit when needs aren’t being met. The baby doesn’t care about your bad day at the office or the fact that your car broke down and it took you an extra two hours to get home.  They arent being cruel because they aren’t malicious at heart. They are creatures of pure need and they are helpless to provide for themselves. They are clueless about your day because that is beyond their scope of reference.  The largest and most important Being in their universe is themselves. In the case of an infant, being totally self referenced isnt a sin – its entirely appropriate for their stage of development.  As a Master on the other hand, being entirely self referenced is not only inappropriate, but for the long term health of the M/s dynamic could be potentially deadly to the relationship. Being clueless of what is going on with my slave and being totally focused on my own needs and wants is irresponsible at the least and potentially dangerous at the worst.  
Okay – enough metaphor for one day. 
But lets not ignore the question…how is being a Master not an elaborate exercise in self referenced behavior? Is our care and control exercised for the safety and well-being of those that we own an elaborate ruse to get our own needs met? Is there anything wrong with recognizing the fact that you need to give in order to get?  After all, nobody would accuse me of selfish motives for spending my hard earned lucre on gas when the gauge gets below half full, or on tires or necessary parts when my auto is in a state of disrepair. There is an implicit understanding in the care and feeding of automobiles that if you plan to own and drive one for any length of time, the amount of care you will indirectly receive from said auto is at least commensurate with the amount of care you put into it.
Ok, so sue me. More metaphor.  Delicious.
Seriously though – You get the point, RM?  If we can take care of our tools, our automobiles and our domicile however grandiose or humble…then we should be actively and seriously looking at what is necessary to take care of our slave(s) or submissive(s) as well.
But take into consideration for a moment RM that ‘what is necessary’ can wear many different robes. Consider the property that is energized and fulfilled precisely by behavior from the owner that most would characterize as incredibly selfish, bordering on negligence or disinterest. Lets create a shared language of understanding around the term ‘care’for instance. Lets toss out the references to ‘care’ being synonymous with ‘burdensome’ because for this example they are tangential to the subject.  I would submit, gentle RM that terms like ‘close attention’ would apply here. What about watchful oversight; charge or supervision – or to be concerned or interested.  When we apply terms such as these to the Master/slave dynamic, these terms lead us down another very interesting pathway.
Picture a Master – perhaps yourself, gentle RM…taking your ease in your favorite chair. Your dress is comfortable you are enjoying a glass of your favorite vintage and you have your feet out front of you, resting comfortably on the back of your slave.  Your cigar is lit and you are leisurely smoking perhaps, if such is your predilection, and one of your slaves hands is open at the ready to receive the ash, at the appropriate time. Some might prefer to use the mouth as ashtray, I’ve heard.  Using your slave(s) as inanimate object might seem cruel and unusual to the untrained eye. However I believe that if done well, both Master and slave enjoy the experience in a state of bliss. Why? Because there is a critical distinction between selfishness and care within the M/s dynamic although in practice, actions may look fundamentally the same – only the intent behind them is different.  The critical distinction is that selfishness cares not at all about outcome. The selfish hand takes without giving back and the selfish mouth consumes without regard as to where the provenance comes from. In this instance the selfish Master, the Big Baby that we referred to earlier doesn’t give a tinker’s damn what the slave is getting out of the experience. The caring Master on the other hand, although appearing to possess a cruel demeanor and a aloof, even dismissive affect, is at the same time observing very carefully and on some level is cataloging actions and reactions of the slave. The caring Master is mindful of the level and severity of fatigue experienced by the slave in holding the specific position, and may also be intentional about how long the slave can hold a specific position without moving.
In fact, that Master may decide to push the slave to near or complete failure by a specific action, or series of actions simply because he/she receives pleasure from doing so. They may be visibly unmoved by trembling, by tears or the apparent excruciating sensations generated within the body of the slave in holding said position. But this is all intentional. It takes energy, intention and focus to momentarily ignore or disavow the perceived needs of the submissive or slave for comfort, for respite or for a host of things that many would consider pleasant and ‘good’. To ignore their basic human needs for a time in pursuit of a specific goal or set of goals. The astute RM seeks not to be surprised by outcomes, for each test, each trial whether physical, as in this example or even spiritual or mental is a portal, an opportunity for the growth and development of the person owned, or for their instruction in one way or another.  This isnt to say that the RM is omniscient or omnipresent – what he or she is…is paying attention.
Let us be Mindful RM.