Attention Counts – pt. 1

As I was cleaning out my email account I came across a topic that Master and I studied about 6 or 7 years ago.

Civility.

I had begun writing a post to use as a series of topics for a Local Leadership group we were running at the time. Interestingly we closed the group due to incivility – and yet these beautiful tools still apply.

When I looked at them I saw them as incredibly apropos not only to governments and social groups but also RELATIONSHIPS including the Power Exchange variety.

My hope is that I’ll be able to post my musings and insights on how to apply each of the 25 Rules of Civil Conduct taken from P.M. Fornis Work “Choosing Civility” (It’s worth every cent. Buy it. Go ahead I’ll wait)

So the First Principle is:

 Pay Attention

kitten attention

I can think of no more important tool for a slave to have than the ability to Pay Attention to his/her Owner.

The principle form that the work of love takes- is attention ~M. Scott Peck

Regardless of if you consider romantic love to be a part of your M/s dynamic or not- I don’t think any of us would deny that slavery itself is a work of love. This may be spiritual love, transcendent love, love of ones place or position, love of service or surrender, love of feeling the force of another’s will over your own.

This type of love is one that is not often understood by many. Those who are fed by autonomy do not often understand the symbiotic nature of this dynamic.

And that symbiosis is why it requires us to pay attention.

In the early days of the dynamic the Masters Will is like a strong spice that you’re not accustomed to. It’s everywhere and often easily identified. It pushes you outside your comfort zone. It demands from you more than you fantasized about.  During this stage paying attention is often the height of your obedience . You can’t intuit or get it perfect because you’re learning. Often the slaves attention is focused- but far more on themselves and their ability to be a “good slave” than on the Master. This is an easy mistake to make and will often lead to far more pain and suffering than is necessary.  Because of this focus on self and the learning curve its easy to feel like failure is innately part of enslavement.  It’s not dear heart. Gently turn your attention away from you – and towards your Owner. Allow His/Her will to be you compass, your axel, your touchpoint.  Devote your attention in Their direction. It makes all the difference.

In the years of 5+ (this may take longer if you don’t live together, or depending on your Masters style of Mastery) you have most likely internalized the Masters Will – this is where paying attention is something you have to bring up and out. It is far too easy to become complacent. The Master speaks and the slave obeys slowly. Or the slave obeys automatically – but without attention. The word in this time is present. Your ability to pay attention via the ability to be fully present in the moment to the Masters voice, mannerisms, movement, breath. To maintain that tension and cultivate it is what renews the passion and sustains your devotion. Yes I know how to make the coffee correctly- but can I do it not just technically perfect- but with devoted presence. (I promise that cup of coffee tastes better) – At this point you’re going for nuance. A person with a refined palette can taste the differences between Himalayan sea salt, and fleur de sel, but it requires paying attention. This is how refinement is created.

Questions for consideration and cultivation:

  • How much attention can I pay today?
  • What am I spending my Masters resources on in the form of giving it my attention?
  • Where was I MOST present today?
  • Where was I least present?
  • How long is my attention span (How long can Master or someone else speak before I start thinking of other things, or forming a response)?
  • When I paid attention what did I notice that I didn’t notice before?

In submission and surrender to Him,

~slave Namaste

Things to understand if you’re friends with a slave

I live my life in surrender.

That may sounds obvious- but actually sometimes it occurs to me that it may not be as understood in practical application as it is in theory.

Yesterday a very close friend and I had a call scheduled. For both of us this is a rare treat.

I waited and waited for her call. No call.

An hour later she sent me a response to my message stating that her Master had called her away.

I TOTALLY understood that – and we had a good laugh about the need to be flexible when you are a slave or are friends with a person who is enslaved.

I personally enjoyed the  brief discussion and the opportunity to experience that because all too often I have been on the receiving end of another response when I’ve had plans that I’ve made altered because of Master’s will.

Even with other slaves.

I’ve had slaves become irritated, annoyed, angry or frustrated with my inability to attend or call or what have you.

I’ve often found that odd. Recently I realized that because the Lifestyle has changed and anything can be defined as slavery- many have no experience with interacting with a person for whom EVERY area of thier life is under the authority and control of another person.

Here’s the reality:

If your friends with a slave she may be called away unexpectedly.

If your friends with a slave- she may not be able to do everything she thinks is a good idea to do.

If you’re friends with a slave she may not call (or show up) at the agreed upon time.

If you’re friends with a slave she may disappear on you unexpectedly.

If your friends with a slave she may change her interests inexplicably.

If you’re friends with a slave you can usually expect that she is not keeping any secrets from her Master (you can ask about this one)

If you’re friends with a slave her eating requirements may change on a dime

If your friends with a slave she/he may have protocols that make no sense to you

Of course all of these things depend on the slave and on the type of dynamic they engage in – so ask. Often slaves who live with their Owners seem to have more restrictions than slaves who live apart (just because they have more time to themselves). When Master and I lived apart I had a lot more girl time than I do now. When He worked at an office many miles away I had more free time. Now my time is at a literally premium.   But also understand that if you have slaves who are friends of yours – they usually aren’t flighty if they have to beg off- they’re just in Service!

In submission and surrender to Him

~slave namaste

 

Understanding Alignment of Will

Today I was responding to a thread on Fetlife (Stop the presses…LOL)  discussing Passive and Active Mastery.

“As a type: I see Passive Mastery as the a style in which the Master is the Facilitator for the slaves development, service, and surrender etc; The dynamic is very slave focused.

As a stage: Passive Mastery also occurs frequently when a dynamic has been in place for a few years and the slave knows the required actions and behaviors to take and does so without involvement by the Master.

As a type: Active Mastery is a style in which the Master is Director of the slaves slaves development, service and surrender. The dynamic is very Master focused.

As a stage: Active Mastery occurs in the beginning of the dynamic when the Master is training the slave as to the appropriate behaviors and actions to take. It also occurs later on in the dynamic when the Master is teaching the slave a new skill, expressing His/or Her preceding Will, or life has offered something for which Passive Mastery is no longer effective.”

 

I look forward to writing more about Active and Passive Mastery later (It’s not a question of good or bad, just different styles and different stages). What really jumped out at me this morning was the idea of the “preceding” word.

Most who know us know that our dynamic is based upon what Master has coined as “Alignment of Will”. My will must align with His.  It is not good enough for me to merely obey, and to give the external “Yes Sir”. I must have the internal alignment – the internal “Yes Sir”- as well. The internal “Yes” can not be faked. It can not be “acted”-  it’s either there or not. And Masters can TELL when it’s not.  It’s why the slave can seem to be compliant and obedient and the Master still be irritated. It’s why outsiders shouldn’t judge and step into a persons relationship- because you really don’t know what He/She is trying to teach that slave or where they are going in their dynamic.

While we’ll be talking about the stages of the M/s dynamic more deeply in an upcoming class- I’m thinking a bit on how alignment of will and the “preceding word” work in our M/s dynamic.  Master is a very complex Man. He’s not a creature of Habit, unless He is. He doesn’t want anything the same way all the time – unless He does.  The worse thing possible for me to do would be to confuse learned obedience and resignation to a current directive with alignment of will. Why? Because then when He changes direction – I’ll struggle MORE because my will was not aligned in the first place.

The idea of the Preceding Word comes from a Sacred Text.

And he humbled thee, and suffered thee to hunger, and fed thee with manna, which thou knewest not, neither did thy fathers know; that he might make thee know that man doth not live by bread only, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of the LORD doth man live.” Deut. 8:3

The idea being that the Divine allowed man to be hungry so that we would be given food from the Divine directly- growing to understand that it’s not really about the food- it’s about the word that is preceding.  It is only THAT which truly feeds.

You can have bread without the Preceding Word – but if you have the preceding word you will ALWAYS have bread.

In the same way you can have Obedience without Alignment of Will – but if you have Alignment of will you will always have Obedience as well.

Frequently it’s easy to confuse the two.  Alignment of Will and Obedience can look the same. In fact I’m not suggesting that the words themselves have completely different meaning. I see Alignment of Will as a way of going through the world and obedience is an action taken. HOWEVER, if the obedient action is not take from the place of alignment of will – when the Master changes direction the slave does not follow – she stumbles, sometimes she sits on the floor and has a tantrum.

Alignment of Will is ongoing- NOT situational.

That is often where the pedal meets the metal. With the Preceding Word.  This is where the slavery becomes active. This is why as a slave I can not rest on my laurels. This is why I am never “done” – this is why the journey IS the destination. It is mine to always be prepared and listening for the Preceding word that comes my Masters mouth. To never simply seek the bread (directive, protocol, or service)  that feeds me and my slavery TODAY but to stay actively connected to the SOURCE of  tangible expressions – which is HIM.

The Bread  without Him would eventually get dry, but He is water, alive and fresh and pure. May my ears always attend to His preceding word.

In submission and surrender to Him,

~slave namaste

Slave or Service Oriented Bottom

So today’s topic is recognizing the difference between being a Service Oriented Bottom and being a slave.

First let me say that I don’t think there is anything wrong, lessor, less honorable or less meaningful about being a bottom. When I first came into the Lifestyle being a slave was not something to aspire to. Slaves were considered weak doormats and usually extreme masochists. At some point it changed. Now, no one wants to be a submissive – (because that means being a weak doormat) and everyone wants to be a slave. Go figure. Also being a bottom is often maligned as being less “real” with statements such as “oh, he’s just a bottom” thrown about, which is unfortunate because this Lifestyle serves us better when it is defined by the Freedoms it grants us – not by the bondages we put on each other.

But I digress.

Slave, submissive, bottom – they are all simply descriptors of what is – not creators of what is not. To this end being a bottom in the realm of BDSM is often recognized in general as being on the receiving end of things – when not paired with other descriptors it often contains the unspoken qualifier of “during a specific, normally short period of time” – which is to say all submissives and slaves could be called bottoms, but not all bottoms are submissives or slaves.

That said what we’ve noticed of late is that many people in their reaching for self identification are quick to reach into the identifier “slave” and to ignore the identifier “bottom” even though “slave” does not really fit them. Why? Because while they may enjoy serving; they have a real issue, challenge, limitation when it comes to something foundational to being a slave….

OBEDIENCE

Yes- slavery is all about obedience – not service.

This may come as a shock or a revelation, and it is my hope that some light bulb moments will occur here.

This is not to say that there is anything wrong with service or that slaves don’t serve. We do. I LOVE providing crisp, efficient, beautiful service. Both unseen seamless service and showcase service are delicious to me. When I am serving excellently I’m happy and quite content.

But the performance of service does not make me a slave. My desire to be of service and of use also does not make me a slave – any more than a desire to be used sexually would make me a slave, or a desire to be spanked would make me a slave.

Because many have forgotten that slavery is at it’s essence about obedience – we tend to look at actions and mistake one thing for another.

For instance we’ll look at the quiet demure woman who is sad and not allowed to provide service because her Owner has told her not to, and yet is attempting to sneak and do it anyway and say “See how slavey she is??”

And then look at the more outspoken woman who is sitting next to her Master, engaged in stimulating conversation with Him/Her and assume this person is not a “twue slave” – when in fact her Owner directed her to do so and she’s being obedient.

So here’s the question – does being obedient feel good to you? Really and truly? I’m not just talking about being obedient to the things that feed your kink or sexual proclivities. I’m talking about being obedient to the things that challenge you, that push and pull you? If you have a FABULOUS idea that you just KNOW will make both of your lives AMAZING and He/She says “no” – does being obedient to that, even if it’s uncomfortable and painful – ultimately feel GOOD and fulfill something deep inside of you? If so – you may be a slave.

If you love to serve but when the person you’re in service to requires certain things, makes certain directives, expects certain behaviors or conduct you find yourself saying “Yeah but…” , “If only He understood…..”, “She doesn’t understand that…..”, “I’d obey if only He/She was…..” or anything along those lines – you may want to consider that you may in fact be a service oriented bottom -and there’s nothing wrong with that!

This Lifestyle is fundamentally  all about finding ourselves and then finding the descriptors that fit who we are so that we can communicate our truth succinctly and in ways that others understand. It is my sincere desire that we find our truth and then shine within it brightly – whatever we identify as!

Drop STOP! – A New Service

reikiRecently Master and I have been noticing a propensity for unpartnered people in the Lifestyle to not receive the “aftercare” they need when a scene is over.

Yes the Top in the scene may give cuddles, a warm blanket and a cup of OJ but what about help processing the later conflicting emotions,  feelings of confusion and concerns?

And what about the Top in the scene? They often need a space to receive care, comfort and processing as well.

To this end we offer “Drop STOP!” a holistic caring, supportive service. Drop STOP is created to serve in all facets – Physically, Emotionally, Spiritually and  Mentally. Drop STOP! appointments are for 1- 1.5 hours.

Who it’s for:

  • Unpartnered bottoms, subs,slaves Tops, Dominants, Masters
  • Partnered people who are in a long distance relationship
  • Partners separated due to travel
  • Men, women and gender fluid folks
  • Couples/Triads etc; who could all use a bit of additional care

What it includes:

  • Reiki and Energy Healing
  • Scene Debrief and Coaching – Helping you process and work through the heady emotions that can often occur after a scene. Talk it out and take advantage of our listening ear and Lifestyle Experience.
  • Nutritional Supplementation – access to nutritional supplements that can prevent drop: nourishing teas, suggested supplements, living foods
  • Warm Nurturing environment – Lay down, relax, listen to soothing sounds and receive Care
  • Optional – Light touch given in a NON-sexual, non-clinical context.
  • All services provided by Master Obsidian and/or slave namaste  (at the clients discretion)

Drop STOP! in person appointments are available on Monday and Tuesday, and Distance appointments (services altered for distance) are offered according to availability. We also are available for Drop STOP! appointments at most Conferences we attend. Contact us at PowerandSurrender @ gmail.com  for further details and to set up an appointment or a free consult!!

Teleconferences, Yay!!!

We have just finished updating the Calendar with Dates for the Immersion Teleconferences through August. We’ll update with more dates in July. We’re looking forward to sharing and interacting on a deeper and more personal level!

Dates for Immersion Teleconferences:
4/25 – Spring has Sprung- New Birth and Keeping the Balance
5/24 – How our Relationships with our Parents Inform on our P/E Dynamics
6/28 – Keeping it Hot- Talking Sex, Libido, Tips and Techniques
7/24 – Independence, Dependence and Interdependence in Power Exchange
8/23- Being Foolish about your Power Exchange- Immersing yourself

All Teleconferences are at 7:30pm CST –  If you’d like to be able to get in on these amazing Teleconferences, get all the details and sign up for the Immersion Package HERE

The  calendar also lists LIVE conference’s we’re at (hopefully) in a city near you!
Your feedback is appreciated and it is our Pleasure to work with you!!

Holiday shopping? Get soaked!

Greetings,
As many of you may know Master and i are super passionate about helping people have sustainable, authentic, powerful, healthy, and HOT relationships. It’s way big on our list of “Why we are here”. Realizing that everyone who is in a Power Exchange dynamic is NOT necessarily a part of the community aspect (munches, face to face meetings, play parties etc;), able to afford one-on-one coaching or mentoring with us, or able to attend conferences (when the average price for a conference for 2 including hotel and meals will cost about $500! That’s not including airfare) – Master and i put our heads together and decided to offer “Immersion” – no, not the event we put on through our local MAsT chapter- this is different.

This is a year of getting positively soaked and drenched in education, activities and processes right in your own home… at your own speed. We all know full immersion is the best way to learn and internalize new ideas and now we bring that idea to your dynamic as well. We’ve decided to record some of our classes (with more added through the year), and make them available to members of our Immersion Circle. In addition we’re offering affirmations and tips on Power exchange -to keep it practical and actual. Then there’s the monthly chat which is part coaching, part Masterminding and part Party rolled up into one which is worth the price of admission itself.  We’re putting it all out there. All of ourselves, our experiences, our history and how we make our Power dynamic work and stay juicy all while keeping it relevant by giving you an opportunity to ask your questions, tell your story and apply it to your life. .

We’re really big on “under promise and over deliver”  – and we’re way way excited to be able to offer ourselves in this way. This may be a great opportunity for you if you’re

  • New to Power Exchange
  • Struggling
  • Wanting education and connection and unable to afford it
  • Wanting education and connection but none is available in your area
  • Love our classes and want more
  • Seasoned in your dynamic and wanting to keep it fabulous.
  • You’re Leather, Gorean, TPE or PPE (partial power exchange), M/s or D/s or D/g or LMNOP – or none of the above. It doesn’t matter which community you identify with only that it is Power Exchange.

 

This isn’t for everyone we know. If this vibes for you GREAT! We look forward to having you! If you’re on the fence this may help -This most likely isn’t for you if:

  • You have no interest in Power exchange dynamics personally
  • You are argumentative (Be kind is the rule of the day!)
  • Find no resonance in our blog posts or classes
  • Aren’t willing to invest financially in your dynamic and education
  • Think all of this is “just taking things too seriously”

Right now we’re lowering the cost even more because – well it’s the Holidays and we love to find a reason to give gifts and help others give gifts as well!!  You can take (or give) Immersion now for only $125 a year for Power (for Master, Dominants etc;) or surrender (submissives, slaves etc;) or for $200 a year for couples! This price is in effect until 1/31/13

Here’s all the juicy bits right here

Have a question? Want more information? Leave a comment!

 

Being the slave of a Visionary

My Master is a Visionary.

This definiton of Visionary fits Him: having or marked by foresight and imagination <a visionary leader>

i believe knowing what type of Master you serve and are surrendered to can greatly aid in how well you interpret and internalize His directives as well as the efficiency of service with grace and that service being fulfilling to BOTH people – as opposed to being full of frustrations and spinning wheels.

If you happen to serve a Visionary there are things you should know:

  • You will always have a great deal to do – The Visionary can always see what up coming. There will always be more expressions of the vision to explore.
  • Every time a Visionary says “We need to….” that does not mean stop everything and change direction. The Visionary is always visioning. ASK “shall I change direction” or “shall i stop doing this” prior to changing direction or stopping what you’re doing.
  • Every Vision is not a directive.  Some things spoke are brainstorming, dreaming, idea-scoping. Be honored that the Visionary is allowing you to be privy to these most intimate of ideas and thoughts. Do not necessary begin to focus on the “how-to’s” of accomplishing these thoughts UNTIL the Visionary shares with you that this is something they want to make real. Assumptions do not work when serving a Visionary.

So what does all of this mean exactly? It means that (at least for me and perhaps for others) being in service to the Visionary requires more communication than a simple “yes Sir” a great deal of the time. Besides all of the other facets of service – i’m His sounding board, His space for mind-mapping, His confidant and cheerleader, and i recognize the amazing honor it is to be so!

In submission and surrender to Him,

~slave namaste